Hello A/all,

Thanks to My background in law enforcement, I have something I may be able to offer to the Community. During My time as a police officer, I was heavily trained in DUI detection with well over one hundred sucessful DUI cases under My belt.

I am considering offering a class centering on a specific field sobriety test I came to rely upon the most that time and time again sucessfully indicated a suspect had a blood alcohol content of .08 or higher to Kinky Swingers, Switches, Tops, Dominants, Masters, and anyone else who wants to learn and use these techniques, that can be done somewhat discreetly in a dungeon or club.

I haven't offered to teach at any of the usual spots as I wanted to get some reactions from all of Y/you who are kind enough to share your opinions, ideas and perspectives before and if I do make such an offering.

The only negative things I can think of at the moment, that can come from such a class, is that it would appear that I condone playing with people I don't trust. And the fact that no test is 100% accurate and could give a false sense of security to the Person holding the whip.

My counterview to that is that it would be one of many tools a Top could employ before playing with someone if the concern arose or the bottom says he/she had one ounce of alcohol two hours ago and that she/he weighs 110 pounds.

S.

3:31 PM - 27 Comments - 22 Kudos - Add Comment

I thought this blog was interesting and my humble opinion follows.

S.

Master Arkady's Blog

	nevaeh	..> ..> Sir, i know exactly who You are writing about and i thought of the same person when You first sent me this quote to read. Although You are sadistic in many ways, You have never pushed A/anyone W/we play with to a point of being in harm. You may have a heavy hand, but You never leave a permanent mark or leave someone fearing for T/their life, as this so called "Master"(as he refers to himself) has done time and time again. It is a shame there are people in this world who do things like that, but... for the rest of us, in the words of dee..... "i would NEVER play with that person" xoxo ur kitty Posted by nevaeh on Wednesday, August 08, 2007 at 9:41 AM [Reply to this]

Simon Blaise

..> ..> Some things are best left to the realm of the fantasy books, which new comers should probably leave alone for the time being lest they buy into an illusion that is no better than the vanilla one from which they are escaping. S. p.s. And if one is to believe that anything "sexual" can define or affirm their identity, that person is most likely suffering from the sickness of ignorance and/or turning one's back on the multi-dimensional self as the human experience is simply not that simple. There is a reason the samurai supplemented their artistry of the blade with say, for example, flower arrangement. If balance is not sought, untold suffering of the soul awaits, which is exactly what the so called sexual sadist described in the quote has been sentenced to until he is incarcerated or graced, if at all, with the mercy of another and unplugged from that wretched fantasy he has banished himself to. Posted by Simon Blaise on Wednesday, August 08, 2007 at 10:05 AM [Reply to this]

10:07 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

All photos by Packman & Gaston

As the heat rises in Los Angles and the temperatures reach record levels, Los Angeles and Hollywood start to catch fire. Along with the temperature rising so do people's hormones. Holidays just add to the frivolity, and if you are a little less into mainstream activities you will find Los Angeles is the perfect place to get into trouble. And what better place for trouble than the Bondage Ball, thrown at the Henry Fonda in the heart of Hollywood?

You've heard me speak of it before. It's the place where kink meets more kink, displays of BDSM dominate, porn stars come to be playful and the norm can let out their inner sexual deviant. A full assault of the senses, this year was geared towards tantalizing you and making things more interactive for everyone.

In case you were even considering this Bondage Ball to be a normal gig, surrounded by pretty people dressed in costumes here to gawk and watch, I assure you it is not. As I entered the venue, I walked down a red carpet and came to the resting place of "trample me" Matt. Matt, whom I had spoken with briefly in the past about this strange fetish, genuinely enjoys being stomped on, walked on, even being used by a gymnast as a landing pad. He willingly volunteered to lie there at the entrance to the Ball, and stepping on him was the least consideration I could offer in passing.

As I entered the main floor there were vendors like Hilary's Parties, two full bars and a massive dance floor littered with people. Play stations with bondage furniture provided by the talented Downtown Willy were stocked with toys, paddles, whips and cuffs and were being manned (and womaned) by busy masters, mistresses and slaves.

On the main stage that evening were the amazing acts of Kaos Klinic from Detroit, Michigan, gogo dancing by Cyber Kidz, Made on Marz and Shannon Chrome Girl, plus a fashion show by Syren Latex. Masuimi Max and Emily Marilyn were performing stripteases to a packed-in crowd, like latex & rubber goddesses. It was a neverending sea of people dancing, talking, kissing, socializing and over all enjoying themselves. The masses, clad in latex, vinyl, rubber and metal, spilled in early with smiles on their twisted faces.

A more than integral part of Bondage Ball is the VIP lounge. They sell VIP passes outside or at the ticket window as you enter, and although you can live without them and enjoy your evening, I don't recommend it. The VIP lounge is worth every cent of the 10 dollars it costs to go hang out with crowd on the rooftop. More importantly, a good 60% of entertainment, BDSM displays and vendors are upstairs along with a cash bar in case you need to get your drink on, and if you are anything like me… you will.

With French maids wandering around teasing the crowd with platters of fruit, chocolate sauce and whipped cream, people were well fed. On the rooftop in the VIP lounge there were live Bondage scenes by Sir Cos, Simon Blaise & Moonlight that consisted of everything from displays of strength and pain to fire play. The Cyber Kidz and Made on Marz were there with a hookah lounge with fruit and a belly dancing troupe captivated everyone there with dance, gyrating hips and of course the occasional make out session between female dancers. Who can resist girl on girl action?

JT's Stockroom had set up a booth displaying wares for those who wished to take a piece of the action home with them -- from kink-lite gear to pleasures for the hardcore only, like full body bags and hooded masks (with breathing holes of course). Last but not least, a foot worship station with services provided by the lovely Heather Isabelle and myself were offered with whipped cream, cherries, chocolate sauce and grapes to be licked off our legs and lovely painted toenails (all sanitary of course -- we keep it clean in the land of Bondage) for the crowds tasting and erotic pleasure. With all that overindulgence, there was more than enough to keep you busy.

One of the more interesting facets of Bondage Ball for me this year was actually getting involved with the event. Many times I have attended Bondage Ball, partaking of past debauchery and indulging in dancing, drink and sinful pleasure. I have also been VIP there in the past, and I always get treated well by the co-coordinators of this event Courtney, Matthew Grimm, Amber & of course the lovely Vena. These folks have been putting on class act events for years so my being invited by Vena, one of their head organizers, to work for them as a foot fetish goddess was not only an honor -- it totally appealed to my sense of kink.

I missed a lot of the main stage shows during the evening due to being stuck on the rooftop at the foot worship station until 1 am, but I did get to see all the dress rehearsal's and eventually caught a show or two. Masuimi Max and Emily Marilyn were in top form as usual, and while confined to the downstairs dressing room I got to meet and speak with all of the pretty and prepped models in their gear that were dressed and covered in amazing make up for the Syren Latex fashion show.

Syren Latex was the main designer for this year's fashion show at Bondage Ball and the creations that were shown were not only sensual but downright gorgeous. With flowing layers of rubber and latex and cut outs were they should and shouldn't be it's sure to tickle your inner pervert. They aren't limited to just chick clothes (though who can resist their girlfriend in latex?) but also have a wide range of clothing for men as well as many accessories. I highly recommend at least checking out the website if you have any kind of inner dirty birdie that needs pleasing at syren.com. It's like porn without the membership fee and you really will want to end up purchasing something from them.

As the night went on I met many a strange and wonderful character on the rooftop. DJ Cameron from the monthly club HELL was there spinning really good music to keep the rooftop alive and packed. Many dressed to impress with cuffs and anklets, masters and slaves, rubber clad gods and goddess and some people were even there in jeans and t-shirts unleashing the virgin pervert they never get to gratify. You would think being confined to a station where people luxuriate in licking chocolate sauce and whip cream off your tootsie's would be limiting, but it was quite the opposite.

Not only did I get to spank, tease, tantalize and taunt but I met a ton of new faces I had never seen before. This Bondage Ball brought everyone out that might never show there face in such a sordid pleasure palace. People came out in droves, and by the time 1 o clock in the morning rolled around there were so many people on the rooftop we had to close down the foot worship station, clean off our feet and don shoes so I could go experience all the fun.

The rest of the evening was full of activity and I'm glad I decided to get out and about. There was an art exhibit with photos by Steve Diet Goedde, Perry Gallagher, Michael Helms, Christine Kessler and Ken Marcus. Sir Skip Dog and his slave Karen were doing painting on the rooftop across Karen's lovely boobs, Syrus was piercing feathers into lovely women and the dance floor was packed thanks to Matthew Grimm's amazing DJing.

By the end of the night I ended up on stage cutting a rug as a go-go dancer on the main stage with the amazing Shannon Chrome Girl, and Mother Tink who is the head of Cyber Kidz Made on Marz. Staying until the venue closed down I left with a smile on my face, sweaty, exhausted and really horny. My only disappointment of the evening was when security stole my drink before I finished it -- but hey, they were only doing their job.

Bondage Ball is always an amazing experience. I never leave let down or feeling unsatisfied. Worth every penny and every minute you are there I highly recommend checking out this event.

The next one is at Halloween and if you can conceive or imagine it, it's going to be better than the one I just went to. With the organizers already promoting it for Halloween and the lineup of performers already being solidified it's going to be a cornucopia of perversion of the finest kind. Keep an eye on the website BondageBall.com and buy your tickets ahead of time, because they do sell out.

See you in October, pervs! As the motto goes, "Have a Ball."

10:09 AM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

 
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

After I passed the five-year-mark during My journey into the lifestyle, My feelings of self-righteousness began to subside, thankfully. I remember being corrected by Someone when I tried to mount the horse and set out on Paul Revere's ride spouting all things wrong with the way a particular Person played. I was about 23 and thought I knew all there was to know about the lifestyle, I read lots of books, had lots of discussions and training from amazing P/people, and had been playing for "years" which meant more than one – with so little life experience and lifestyle experience under My belt, I thought I knew it all.

However, a valuable lesson came from that experience: I should have overcome how intimidated I was by that Person and just talked to Him like a Man, rather than being a boy and going to mother, who happened to be E/everyone else I talked to that was not Him. I was ashamed, but the Person was very cool about My folly and turned it into a learning experience.

>>

Whoever has done this to You is in the early stages of his journey in not only the lifestyle, but life itself. As this person grows and continues on his journey, he will learn to regret his mistakes, like this one, and ones he has undoubtedly made, and from that regret, he will attain Character.

>>

Through true inner reflection, he will find and kill the little boy that is controlling him. The Man will take the helm and do what is right to cure the transgressions of the little boy.  Character will blossom and bring forgiveness of Himself and others. He will come to his fellow Brothers openly with issues in the exact same way he would want his Brothers to come to him when he falls or is about to fall. A Master.

>>

One of the things I realized in My quest to become more of a Man is that the less finger pointing I do, even in My own mind that no one knows about especially, the more inward reflection I partake in.  During that reflection, I find Myself strengthening My weaknesses and putting My so-called strengths in check so as to not think of those strengths to be more than they are, so as to not think of those strengths to make Me more than I truly am.

>>

And when one truly reflects on the self, it is hard to attack others on any level if that reflection of the self is true and deep. And like that Person who showed Me nothing but understanding [and what a powerful feeling of growth it is to receive such understanding when I was so in the wrong] and offered nothing but guidance, I too try to emulate that Person's wisdom when I have the burden of standing in that Person's shoes.

>>

Master Liam, You were very kind about not naming who this person was who vilified you and I agree with what you have said here. I share in Your frustration. I only hope the person who did this comes around and does what a boy cannot and what any Man would do.

>>

S.

9:30 AM - 5 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

 
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

Below is a very special email that raises an interesting and very important topic I usually do not talk about publically, but I need to stop that.  I am VERY grateful for this question. I originally kept it anonymous, but Julie Simone said it would be ok.

And I hope E/everyone gives her a break [I thank all of Y/you for the support!], but she was merely voicing her opinion and she felt very strongly about it at the time and let it all out, which is something not many do anymore these days, and I wish that wasn't the case.

S.

_____________________

Julie wrote:

Dear Simon,

I have a question for you. I'm not attacking you, we obviously come from different schools of thought and I don't understand from where you're coming. I'm genuinely interested in what you have to say on this topic. I've asked several people's opinions and thoughts and so far I haven't come across anyone who can answer my question.

My response:

I will do my best, but remember, I am young and most of my views could very well be incorrect as applied to many and even myself.

Julie wrote:

What is the point of continuing to beat someone after they've been broken?

My response:

In my earlier years, I initially held the misconception that the person in the bottom position of a scene was to be broken and somehow made to submit i.e. dominated. Luckily, my Mentor caught it in one of my journal entries early on and it brought upon a really deep and meaningful conversation I will never forget.

Although some, or perhaps most, I don't really know, try to break the person in the bottom position, I hold the opinion that this is not the most healthiest of goals for a master to have concerning his slave from the finite number of Houses I have interacted with over the years.

Personally, I go so painstakingly slow with everyone I have the privilege to play with that I can say I have never "broken" a soul – I hold the belief that the true breaking of another soul is either by mistake or by someone who really knows what they are doing. Some I have trained have had flash backs and hallucinations, which when they happen, I jump in their head and bring them back [I personally think of this as a part of slave whispering] – but I do this because of the training and experience I have had for those situations. For others without the experience, I suggest staying out of their head and keeping them safe physically from hurting themselves or others.

I do not break anyone, not even to "build" them up – whatever that means. In fact, I celebrate who the slave is, her essence, and my own slave understands that intense scenes are a right of passage in which she proves her undying love to her master. This right of passage moves the slave closer to the woman she is and further away from the little girl she used to be e.g. A term I like to use to describe this is that I help her "woman up" and become a strong independent woman who happens to serve me unconditionally.

Just because a bottom cries does not mean she is "broken" by any stretch of the imagination.

To further address this question, when the slave is in fact processing the intense sensations and engaging in release, which for my slave moonlight is that deep sobbing some have seen, why do I continue giving her the gift of such intense sensations by my hand. The quick answer is that there are levels to the head space a slave can enter, if at the first sign of tears the top stops, then that is as deep as that slave will go. I will get into this more below.

Julie wrote:

I was taught that once the tears fall, the sub needs immediate comfort. The scene doesn't need to completely stop, because then the sub will hold back their emotions in fear of the ending of the scene, but a break needs to happen before play resumes.

My response:

Like I said to someone else in my last blog discussion, people process pain differently, some laugh, cry, giggle, are silent, babble, talk, refuse to be or act like they are not in any kind of deeper head space because of Pride, etc.

Thus, there has to be an ability to make the distinction between how someone processes intense sensations, cathartic release and when emotional trauma is taking place by the top. Again, the ability to make such a distinction happens with careful direction/training/mentorship and experience.

When I began training moonlight, over a number of sessions, I slowly took her to where she began crying initially. Once she began crying, I connected with her and shortly afterwards, I explored what was going on inside her to confirm that what I saw was the later stages of her processing of intense sensations and the beginnings of cathartic release. Over time, I have learned where I can take her at that level of interaction – and I suspect I can take her even further, but time will tell, there is no rush, nor anything to prove. After her release, as opposed to a break, I connect with her now, which is vital and increases the bond between master and slave.

After any scene between moonlight and I, she is bouncing off the walls and sexually aroused would be an understatement – I share this to help the reader understand the distinction between release and break. And a broken bottom will most likely be in a negative headspace, she will be withdrawn, not look you in the eye, not really say much for days, and not appreciate most touching afterwards. I have seen the aftermath, luckily not by my hand or spirit, and it's not pretty.

What you were taught was very responsible, because I am sure, at that time, there was not as much information out there on this subject, and there isn't enough now in my opinion for that matter, so that advice you were given is certainly something I would tell an inexperienced mentee to do for now until I feel he or she has a better understanding of what is going on through experience – some aspects of the lifestyle cannot be articulated with words, try as I might, time and earnest positive effort are the ultimate teachers.

Julie Wrote:

I've also been taught that a Master or Mistress who continues to beat someone who has reached that emotional break is abusive/abusing their position as a top, hence my interpretation and description of your scene. That is what I was taught, that is what I've known.

My response:

Like I said, there are levels of head space and consciousness that are not as black and white as "not crying" and "crying." And in my opinion, if the top takes the bottom to an "emotional break" in the first place, not to mention going beyond that, the bond between those two will most likely whither and die because you are correct, such behaviour is abuse [as opposed to my own understanding and definition of "aBuse" which is nothing like "abuse" – this distinction is discussed in a past blog of mine] by my own personal standards.

Julie wrote:

You were obviously taught something else and I'm interested in the psychology behind your beliefs. The psychology is a big part of the acts that go on, something many people who "use"/portray the scene neglect.

My response:

Yes, without what you refer to as "psychology" just doing what I call D/S [Doing Stuff] can lead to what I believe you mean by "breaks." After a scene, I usually make sure I stick around in case someone from the play party or audience has questions for me or my slave/submissive/pet/play partner so in the event someone wants to try what they have witnessed, they can have at least a part of the understanding that goes along with the physical acts they saw with the naked eye.

I personally do not use the term "psychology" as that has some trappings to it, and instead, I think of what I do, on the metaphysical level with my slaves, is establish and maintain a connection and later a bond by both employing what I have learned and being my open, authentic and honest self as I interact with my slave – slave whispering.

I hope this addressed your questions and I really hope this sparks some more interesting discussion.

I really have to thank you Julie for this question. In light of everything, this was certainly a topic that needed to be addressed and I have to say, the fact that you asked about this very sophisticated aspect of BDSm speaks to your own wisdom and understanding.

S.

6:46 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Catch all the action tonight during encore webcast @ 9pm.
Current mood: happy
Category: Life

Catch the encore presentation of the Captivity launch party at 9PM-11PM PT with Dave Navarro by clicking this link tonight:

COP on ManiaTV Live

Lastnight event had over 1.6 million veiwers hosted by David Navarro from "The Red Hot Chilli Peppers".

With 15-20 Suicide Girls all bound up in ropes, done by the One And Only Master Liam, Damon Peirce, Iceman, Ronnie Rock, Simon Blaise, Kelly and Charly-B...It was so knotty knotty!

The Movie release party for the movie "Captivity" (releaseing in theaters this Friday the 13th) in Hollywood on Sunset Blvd. at the famous "The Privilege" club hosted almost 600 of Hollywoods top movers and shakers was an absolute smash hit party...!!! YAY!!!

"Carnival of Pain" and all it's crew put on a show to remember with all our lovelies throwing whips, chains, feather (thank You Syrus Sir!) and floggers, that sent some folk to the bathrooms with pretty wet undies and some to the ground passing out! Again Yay!!!

C.O.P. whishes to thank everyone for there part in this production, for without the synergy that came forth lastnight, we wouldn't have been able to do it...

Thank Y/you from Master Liam & His Carnival of Pain:

Samantha (production coordinater) who with out W/we would have lost our minds! W/we Love you!

Damon Pierce (piercer and rope supplier for the evening)

Simon Blaise (with his pets) A very erotic scene!

Syrus (on feathers) Amazing good work!

Fetish Jade and The very sexy Mistress Kelly (who kept the crowd in awe!

The Suicide Girls (for just being you!)

Perish (You sexy Beast!!!) and his girls!

Courtney (The Producer) Thanx for the money!!!

Jenn Lasky (Of RedLight Entertainment) who contacted U/us for this gig!!!

Monte and Marty (Who pulled the event all together) I don't know how you guys do it? W/we love you darlings!!!

ManiaTV.com (and well what can ya say?) Thanx for our 15 minutes of Fame!!!

Rolling Stones Magazine (Did W/we make the cover?)

Variety Magazine (lets do lunch soon!)

And most importantly thank you to all our peeps! For without your support and patience over the past 3 years, W/we at The Carnival of Pain would not be where W/we are today!!!!

C.O.P.
Master Liam








Thanks from All of U/us at The Carnival of Pain

 
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

Since I'm an open book, I am sharing the email below with E/everyone despite the fact it doesn't cast Me in the best of lights.

It was written by a dissenter who attended Erotica LA and watched part, or all, of My scene. From My perspective and the perspective of a number of people W/who came up to Me after the scene and shared their thoughts, moonlight and I had a beautiful/hot/sexy/intense scene.  I believe O/our scene was a testament to her devotion to Me and the depth of her love. The dissenter disagrees.

 JS wrote: You were performing for a vanilla crowd. You showed up with a girl covered in bruises. While bruises may be a badge of honour in the SM world, to the vanilla crowd, your audience today, it's a sign of violence and abuse.

 My response:

 Moonlight was not "covered" in bruises when we arrived. She had one bruise on her left buttocks from Hell and nothing anywhere else. I humbly suggest your use of the dramatic and exaggeration may be indicative of some problems you need to address within.

 As for your comment about the audience, there was a time when two men kissing, and even when two girls kissing, was considered a sign of "sickness."  Homosexuality was considered a form of self-abuse. Thanks to programs like Will & Grace and numerous gay movies, the audience has been exposed to a lifestyle different than their own. At first, there was the same shock and dismay from others, very similar to what you have written.  As time has gone by, two men can kiss and hold hands now and no one pays the kind of negative attention garnered years ago.

 JS wrote: Then at some point things got ugly. Suddenly she was covered in even more brusies and then she started crying. Instead of going over to comfort her, you continued to beat her while she continued to sob loudly and uncontrollably, much to my horror and the horror of everyone around you. That is unquestionably ABUSE.

 My response:

It sounds like you left in the middle of the scene.  Yes, there was a period of time the scene was intense, however, after that phase, there was a substantial period of time where she and I bonded after that intense moment.

 During the many years you have used the lifestyle and fetish cultures for financial gain, I am surprised you haven't discovered that everyone processes pain differently. Some do cry and sob, others laugh, some are silent, and even others babble.

 JS wrote:

 I don't think you acted maliciously, I think it must be ignorance on your part. What you did today was reinforce every negative stereotype about the BDSM lifestyle and you cast a dark and ugly light on the event you were supposed to be promoting.

 My Response:

 Yes, we are all ignorant in one way or another. Given your mastery of using the lifestyle and fetish cultures for financial gain and fame, I will readily admit that compared to you, I am most ignorant when it comes to packaging those cultures up and making them more palatable for vanilla consumption.

  And I thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt in your own mind, which speaks volumes to your character.

 From the feedback I received from the scene, it seemed like the scene was pleasing to most people. Some were probably shocked and childhood traumas most likely surfaced in their minds, and when that happens, what is happening in the moment is replaced with what happened to that little girl inside so many years ago. I am not responsible for the trauma inflicted on that person.

 JS wrote:

You need to understand there is a time and a place for everything. Had you been at the Lair, no one would have blinked an eye. But you weren't, you were at a vanilla event and you should have tailored your scene accordingly. I am so appalled and disgusted by what you did today, by the damage you have done.

My response:

The words you have chosen to describe the scene were probably more irresponsible than what it is you feel Moonlight and I did at Erotica LA. Had you witnessed the entire scene, I doubt the word "abuse" would have poisoned your words.

JS wrote in her blog:

I've been beaten until I cried on two occasions. One was amazingly beautiful, almost like a religious experience. The other time i cried because it was more like abuse under the guise of BDSM.

Maybe that's how they play and I'm all for people doing what they want, but her body language did not say that she was ok. He didn't even check on her or go over to her, he just kept beating her until someone made him stop.

More than anything it was inappropriate for the occasion and an irresponsible display.

It is my understanding they were made aware of what was appropriate and either forgot or disregarded the info.

My response:

I don't know what you mean by "check on her." If you watch closely, the "checking" I do is frequent. Do I need to have a conversation with her? No. That is not where her and I are at. And reading someone's body language is an Art that takes inherent ability and a lot of practice, and even if you are blessed with both, it sounds like you were in a sea of emotions that prevented you from truly reading her. 

As for someone making me stop, it didn't happen like that. Actually, Courtney asked me to be more sensual. Then he asked me to wrap it up after the sensual phase was at its end because Moonlight wasn't wearing enough clothing.

I really feel this is some kind of projection on your part. I am very sorry to hear that you were actually abused by that person under the "guise" of BDSm.  However, I am not that person. And Moonlight is not you.

As for being made aware, I was told no knives and no fire. What I did forget was having Moonlight wear panties that covered the buttocks and to have her wear something more than tape on her nipples. I do feel bad about forgetting that and I apologized to Courtney. As for the level of play, everyone knows how I play with my slaves so when I am asked to perform, they know what they are asking for. And if you talk to Courtney, I was very flexible and accommodating as I was given more information from him during my scene with Moonlight.

Perception is not always reality, and when you try to accommodate everyone's perception, you get the Industry, not the "scene" you are claiming I have damaged.

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts as I believe this will spark some interesting discussion.

S.

9:43 AM - 36 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment

Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

The subject of slave etiquette and protocol as to others the slave is not owned by is a recurring question in the emails I have been receiving lately.

Personally, because of how I run My House, I have been referred to as a "club dom" and most recently as "you club people" as opposed to a genuine and certified "lifestyler." [Still waiting on that membership card, I need three more box tops.] Since such comments come from outside My House, I'm not offended or concerned per se as I am interested in views O/others have on how the lifestyle "ought" to be lived or preferably, how others choose to express the lifestyle for themselves.  Even so, such comments are great because they spark interesting thoughts that lead to [hopefully] interesting writings.

My answer to how I personally run My House has been the same to all:  If the slave is serving one Master, then the etiquette and protocol that truly matters is between that Master and that slave.  Like the title of this blog says, it's a M/s relationship, not a MMMMMMMMM/s relationship.

As for other Masters and Mistresses the slave interacts with, My slaves are to interact with Them as equals – the level of respect being dependent on the particular person and situation at hand. At the club, where "protect the property" is a constant directive in My mind, the slave is to be more on guard, if not aggressive, to keep the predators away – one could call this "club people protocol."

As for Masters and Mistresses I consider Family, I am more prone to have My slave refer to Them using honorifics and hugs are always ok. As for requests for service or use of My property, it reflects well on the Master or Mistress if all such requests are addressed to Me and Me alone.  And of course, at a high protocol dinner/engagement, honorifics and protocol are extended to other Masters and Mistresses and the exact parameters of service are laid out by Me before hand – which are generally serving courses and refilling beverages...so much fun. 

As for how I interact with property I do not own, I happily treat them like equals as they are not surrendered to Me in anyway and to experience "power" of another, in any form or degree, outside of My profession, has never given Me pleasure.  Generally, I prefer other property to not refer to Me as Sir, and I never want to hear Master from any slave's mouth regardless [I'm only 32], but I do make the occasional rare exception if there is a meaningful friendship between Myself and the slave and more importantly, an understanding between Myself and the other Master to the extent I consider T/them Family.

This is a controversial view I hold and that's ok.

S.
 

11:56 AM - 12 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

 
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

At the tender age of 19, Simon Blaise attended a BDSm event in Hawaii where he met his Mentor, a Mistress, who graciously introduced him into the lifestyle. Simon is currently in a long-term Master and slave relationship with the model, moonlight, depicted throughout this manual.

Over the years, Simon has been schooled in, and continues to study, various expressions and theories of BDSm, human sexuality, and the mechanics of how men and women interact on various levels. Simon's current project underway is authoring a book explaining how a Master and slave relationship can be at its healthiest and most rewarding when an M/s relationship is primarily based in reality – as opposed to fantasy. Simon is a proud member of Cirque de Sade an established organization of respectable Masters and Mistresses who have come together to increase awareness of the BDSm lifestyle and help others express the lifestyle to its fullest potential while doing so safely.

After living a semi-private lifestyle for over a decade, Simon made the decision to become more public in hopes he could help others realize the BDSm way of life is not about abuse, but rather, another expression of love that is no different than traditional heterosexual "man and wife" or homosexual "life partners" unions commonly seen today.

Simon ultimately aims to be a part of, and continues to work towards, making the BDSm lifestyle more acceptable in the minds of mainstream America, on both the private and governmental fronts, by helping to debunk the current stereotypes that continue to plague and force BDSm lifestylers to remain in the "Closet." Simon continues to step out of the Closet with the hopes that the sacrifices and persecution he has faced, and will undoubtedly face in the future, for publically living a BDSm lifestyle, will garner the same protections for the BDSm community tomorrow enjoyed today by the Homosexual and African-American communities alike.

6:54 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

 
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

At the tender age of 19, Simon Blaise attended a BDSm event in Hawaii where he met his Mentor, a Mistress, who graciously introduced him into the lifestyle. Simon is currently in a long-term Master and slave relationship with the model, moonlight, depicted throughout this manual.

Over the years, Simon has been schooled in, and continues to study, various expressions and theories of BDSm, human sexuality, and the mechanics of how men and women interact on various levels. Simon's current project underway is authoring a book explaining how a Master and slave relationship can be at its healthiest and most rewarding when an M/s relationship is primarily based in reality – as opposed to fantasy. Simon is a proud member of Cirque de Sade an established organization of respectable Masters and Mistresses who have come together to increase awareness of the BDSm lifestyle and help others express the lifestyle to its fullest potential while doing so safely.

After living a semi-private lifestyle for over a decade, Simon made the decision to become more public in hopes he could help others realize the BDSm way of life is not about abuse, but rather, another expression of love that is no different than traditional heterosexual "man and wife" or homosexual "life partners" unions commonly seen today.

Simon ultimately aims to be a part of, and continues to work towards, making the BDSm lifestyle more acceptable in the minds of mainstream America, on both the private and governmental fronts, by helping to debunk the current stereotypes that continue to plague and force BDSm lifestylers to remain in the "Closet." Simon continues to step out of the Closet with the hopes that the sacrifices and persecution he has faced, and will undoubtedly face in the future, for publically living a BDSm lifestyle, will garner the same protections for the BDSm community tomorrow enjoyed today by the Homosexual and African-American communities alike.

6:54 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Dominatrix Toxaemia
Current mood: happy
Category: Life

This year saw the foundation of The Mortal's Group, a charitable organisation which sets out to help sufferers of Dominatrix Toxaemia, or in lay terms, 'Tops' Disease'. The Group's founder, Mistress Jenny van der Graf explains: "It is a marvellous group and it has done a great deal for Mistresses everywhere. Professor Strangetrousers produced clear evidence that 'Tops' Disease' - as it was then known - is a genuine medical condition, as opposed to a sociological occupational hazard, as has been conjectured. Since then, his findings have been praised in THE LANCET, and lectured upon at the BMA and the Royal Society. At least nobody can deny it exists now."

Published by Methuen, and now available on paperback, WHY IT IS SO HARD TO BE A DOMINANT, details the symptoms of Dominatrix Toxaemia, starting with the inability on the dominant's part to use any verb outside its imperative forms. It develops into an increasing abandonment of the usual social niceties, and an exponentially increasing superiority complex. The sufferer finds it increasingly difficult to conduct a normal conversation, and loses all organisational and practical skills. A posture of looking down the nose and an introspective self-interest takes over. The ego becomes swollen, and a mild form of Glaucoma (tunnel vision) may attend.

Incapacity to treat any person as an equal is often an added complication. In most cases, the sufferer ignores all but the most deferential forms of address. They become incapable of talking about anything apart from how hard it is to be dominant. 'What with all these slaves in need of a beating, not knowing what they want, the state of 'Skin Two'/The Rubber Ball/ the M25/She 'n' Me/Ishmael's whips these days, etc.'

Mistress van der Graf, herself a former victim of DT, tells her own story. "I was an office worker at the time, everything was ahead of me, promotion, company car and executive washroom.

"Then my boyfriend bought me a riding crop. Soon after that, we went to 'Torture Garden'. Then 'The Boat'. Before long I had ditched my boyfriend because I had so many men wanting to do things for me. These fantastically strong women wanted me at their parties. It was great. Soon I had an extensive wardrobe, all sorts of whips, and a considerable income from 'professional' correction sessions. Most men knew they had to pay me for punishment, so I didn't always bother to tell them to begin with. It used to annoy me terribly when occasionally they did argue that they thought it had been for fun - was that what I was supposed to be doing it for? They always paid me in the end.

"Of course I gave up my job, and began the life of a real Mistress. Some little man made me a dungeon, and life was great. My slaves had to pay for the privilege of pleasing me: Even if what pleased me happened to be going to the hairdressers, two hours in Harvey Nicks, or a few chapters of Dostoyevski, that was what they were paying for. If they felt insulted or injured they were out. For a really devoted slave, the fact that I owned a dungeon, whips and instruments of torture was enough. I didn't need to demean myself by using them.

"I was so important that I could see to it that the club scene was run the way that I decided was best. One promoter sent me an envelope of fliers without marking it personal, and I left him such a dominant message in return that he never sent me anything again. I had so much power. Then one night, I overheard two slaves talking over a drink at a club. "She's a bloody snooty cow," one was saying. The other rejoined with, "Pity anyone she has as a slave. I don't know why they do it!" I was busy berating them for ingratitude when I realise that neither of them were slaves but a Male Dom and John the Bouncer, the latter of whom replied to me in the strongest terms. Of course I sailed off with an imperious glance, but I couldn't help wondering for a moment, had they had been talking about ME? So I whipped the first slave who crossed my gaze, just to feel better. Then a slave brought me the Professor's book as a gift. I thought, "At last! Someone who really understands!" But as I read through it, I kept saying to myself, "That's not me. I'm not like that. I talk to people."

"I then wondered how long it was since I had used the word 'please' or 'thank-you'. I realised that, yes, it was me! I was ill! Can you understand that? All the hard work of beating people and giving orders and accepting presents, and now I was the one who was ill!

"I had it very bad, I admit it, but at the time I just didn't know. Yes, I had written an article on how to be a Mistress, describing such high criteria that nobody but me could live up to them. Yes, I had plans of buying an Archduchy in Eastern Europe. Yes, I was roughing-out a best selling autobiography. I was very ashamed and I went to see Professor J. B. Strangetrousers. He told me not to be ashamed; I had caught a disease, like measles or the 'flu and there was a cure."

Professor J. B. Strangetrousers is an elusive man. We tracked him to a Gloucester Place basement flat, where he was changing lightbulbs. He agreed to talk to us in a nearby pub - The Feathers - as long as we bought him several pints of beer. After a while, in which he overcame his nervousness, using terms like, "Oh, that bloody book!" "Had to pay the rent" and "Who told you where I was?" He eventually became very loquacious on the causes of Dominatrix Toxaemia, the disease he had discovered.

"It's in the glands," he explained. "A chemical impulse caused by lots of people doing what you tell them. It floods into the brain, takes over the higher consciousness, first in fits and starts, then altogether. Then it gets into the subconscious, affects the dreams, and ultimately the neural relays and motor functions. It's insidious. Some cases show the symptoms almost as soon as they lay hands on a riding crop, with others, it takes longer. Some of course never get it. It's probably in the genes, or Freud, or something."

Mistress van der Graf takes up the account of the cure. "We started with analysing THE TIMES Leaders, some written by men, some by women. It showed me that sometimes other people can express sensible opinions. After that we explored the poetry of Saliva Path, and the War Poets, then Jacobean Sonnets. Finally a little Shakespeare, until the Professor thought I was ready to listen to Radio Five. All those people holding opinions! I had to learn not to change channels after the first five seconds.

"That was a milestone. After that I was able to watch Zenab Bedawi and Martyn Lewis read the Nine o' clock News, without having to contradict them every two minutes. At long last I could watch Ian McCaskill without calling him a squirming little toad. I considered going on to Barry Norman or James Whale, but the Professor had other ideas.

"One day he introduced me to a tall dark-haired man in a very smart suit, who said he had to explain to me the basics of income tax. I flipped! I screamed at him to get out and found myself reaching for a riding crop that was no longer there! That night I was sick, but the next morning, the man was there again, patient and ready to talk to me. I forced myself to listen to him - I don't suppose I was very polite. After that, I had a plethora of visitors. At first there were policemen, tax officials, a Judge, then a number of complete strangers asking directions. Finally a string of humble men talking at first about train spotting - which was a challenge. Then about their work; accounting, bus driving, stage lighting etc. and at last - S/M. To my happy surprise, I found I could actually listen to these people without over-ruling them or mentally changing their ideas to my own credo. After three months, I was able to return to the Scene. I knew that I was a real person again. I listened, I talked, I danced, I spanked. I even got spanked! It was such a good feeling, and I wanted other Dominants to feel just like I did!"

Which brings us to the point at which we started: Mistress van der Graf's Foundation of The Mortal's Group. Instead of buying a Dukedom in Latvia, she has acquired a small Suffolk estate and turned it, with the help of many submissive male volunteers, into a spa resort for sufferers of DT. Here in the English Countryside, victims of Top's Disease can spend time in luxurious surroundings while Mistress van der Graf and her helpers assist them to recovery.

"I think it's quite right for the men to help as they do." she says. "All the Dominants here have worked very hard over the years. It really is time they were given a better deal. This isn't The Other World Kingdom; Dominants have a hard enough time without having to do SM with a lot of submissives - I abandoned my last whip when we opened, and all such implements are confiscated from our patients upon arrival. I feel very strongly that this is the way forward for those of us who are differently pleasured, I feel I've come to the end and found myself!"

Ms Van der Graf's autobiography, LIVING WITHOUT THE WHIP will be available soon in Methuen hardback.

Article's Home: http://www.the-firm.org/dt.htm

10:59 AM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

The moonlight Blaise cascaded over Hell itself...
Current mood: happy
Category: Life

I can't believe how much fun Hell was last night!

Silventar wrote a kick ass review of the event too which inspired Me to write one as well given that I bulletined the "hell" out of this event -- so intended that one. ~ Silventar is a genuine lifestyler who has much to offer not only as a Master, but as a person. He took some AMAZING shots of My scene with My lovely slave moonlight. I can't wait to print a couple of them. Y/you should check out His page if Y/you don't know Him already.

Thanks to the overwhelming generosity of CharlyB moonlight was allowed to place her work in His usual spot. THANK YOU!!!! I also scored an awesome print from Charly that will be hanging on My wall as soon as I find a frame worthy of it.

Bullwhip, the first to get things going at Hell, started things off with two lovely ladies that ended in a most erotic and intense single tail scene that only Bullwhip can do.

Sir Skip brought his gorgeous slave karen and showed E/everyone His many talents and reminded U/us all that He's one of the luckiest Masters in the scene.

Cirque de Sade was all over the map and well represented by, of course Our Founding Father Orpheus, who put it down like no one can with smooth, graceful and highly skilled flogging on two of the multiple lovely ladies He brought to the club. And just when E/everyone is mezmorized from witnessing this Man's flogging style, He breaks out twin tourches and goes to work -- the flames danced like they were floggers themselves. The scenes I enjoy the most are the ones that humble Me and give Me something to aspire to. I really enjoyed witnessing Orpheus' art.

Sir Cos represented CDS with not only fire and flogging, He worked over two very lucky people at the same time -- a challenge that He made look most easy.

Master Eragon a true lady's Man, chatted up some of the hottest ladies in the club, of course, while hanging back and watching over His Cirque Brothers.

All of this is going on against the backdrop of the moonlight Blaise exhibit, the works of which were selling like hotcakes with orange marmalade and coconut syrup -- I really can't get over how talented of a slave I own.  My sincerest thanks to all for the compliments on moonlight Blaise and for all of the congrats on her first stage of collaring with Me. I am very proud of her and most honored to be a part of her art. Violet's compliments almost brought tears to moonlight's eyes and TommyO's compliments almost brought tears to Mine.  

And the biggest honor of the night came from Arcane of Iniquity who, after seeing the moonlight Blaise exhibit, not only asked if Me and My slave would model for His slave manual, but also asked if some of the photos from moonlight Blaise could be used in the manual as well because the photos conveyed the connection that exists between a Master and His slave. I was truly honored beyond belief and of course, humbly accepted.

Thanks to E/everyone I didn't mention, but would if I didn't have a job.

What a night -- especially for a Wednesday! Only in Hollywood. 

S.

9:48 AM - 5 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Simon's Webb -- Director's Cut.
Current mood: artistic
Category: Life

His web

dew drops, shivering, struggling

nowhere to go, everywhere to go, nowhere and everywhere

release -- surrender -- bliss

sipping, peaceful, feeling, intense, whispering, quite, looking, serenity

Ascend -- Descend -- Pillow -- Blade -- Ball -- Remembered...

S.

9:48 AM - 7 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

 
Current mood: calm
Category: Life

Good and short article on the difference between RACK and SSC taken from http://www.withinreality.com/rackssc.html

S.

Rack vs. SSC

11:02 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Current mood: grateful
Category: Life

Hello A/all,

This purpose of this blog entry is two fold.

The first thing I would like to say is that I do not want anyone to give Me a Xmas gift. Instead, if you really want to give Me something, please make a donation to Y/your favorite charity in My name

Second, I have made a sizable donation to the Los Angeles Boys of Leather, who reach out to the community and promote awareness through education. They do Charitable Fundraising, Volunteering, and Educational Workshops for those involved or interested in the leather / BDSm / kink community. "The term 'leatherboy' is not limited to a particular age, gender, appearance or sexual orientation." There is more info on them below.

My donation was made in the name of some of My very dear F/friends, and a few very kool K/kats, who continue to add, and have added, a great deal to a wonderful life and exciting lifestyle I hold close to My heart:

Merry Christmas!

mercy
Miles
April
Arcane
Baron von Aaron and His House
Assaf
Brian T.
Bullwhip
Carlos
Charley B
Colleen
Collin and His House
Courtney
D
Dallas and His House
Dan M.
Danielle
Downtown Will and His House
Dragon and His House
Erik and His House
Evan and Alex
Evan Monster
Gemini
Irish
Jeff & Jordan
jennifer hectate
Jesse B. and His House
Jewel
Jimmy
Joanne
Jordan and His House
Kane and His House
Kasod and His House
Kat-9
kimberly
kissy
Ladislava and Sterling
Laine
Laur S
Lex & S
Lisa D.
Madam Chastity  
Marcus
Maria P.
Master Liam and His House
Master Mikeal
Max L.
Melody
Michael H.
Michelle
Mimi
Mistress Venus
Mr. Underhill
Nicolette and Her House
Orpheus and His House
Paindancer and His House
Paul
Peggy
Peter
Peter Shane
Phil Enigma
Prince Angelus
Quinn 
Robert
Ron of Bound and Leather
Sir Cosmo and His House
Sir Iceman and His House
Sir Nik and Mistress E.
Sir Skip Dog
slave janine
slave jennifer
slave karen
slave lillin
Sonya Sublime
Strange and His House
Taz and His House
Tazma
Tommy O
trinity
Violet
Warlock and His House

LOS ANGELES BOYS OF LEATHER  
7985 Santa Monica Blvd.
Ste 109, PMB #45
West Hollywood, CA 90046  

GENERAL INFORMATION
Contact: Mr. Troy Hudson, Treasurer 
E-mail: treasurer@labol.org

Who We Are
Charitable Fundraising, Volunteering, and Educational Workshops for those involved or interested in the leather / BDSM / kink community

This organization is a 501(c)(3) Public Charity.
This organization is not required to file an annual return with the IRS because its income is less than $25,000.
Additional narrative information in this report was last supplied by the organization on September 8, 2005.
Contributions are deductible, as provided by law.
EIN: 72-1542749
Year Founded: Information not available
Ruling Year: 2005
Fiscal Year: Information not available 
Assets: $3,994 (from IRS BMF on Dec 2005)
Income: $12,315 (from IRS BMF on Dec 2005)
No. of Board Members: Information not available
No. of Full-Time Employees: 0
No. of Part-Time Employees: 0
No. of Volunteers: 0

MISSION AND PROGRAMS
Mission
The LA Boys of Leather exists as a forum through which self-identified leatherboys may educate and learn, (about the brotherhood of boys and the leather community at large), provide fellowship and encouragement, socialize, have fun, and support each other and their community. We define the term 'leatherboy' as broadly as possible with the intent of being inclusive. The term 'leatherboy' is not limited to a particular age, gender, appearance or sexual orientation. Rather it represents a common dedication to service and devotion to the leather community. We gather in boyhood and brotherhood to support ourselves and our community with respect and integrity.

Programs
Twice per year we hold large fundraising events to benefit local and national charities. Quantities raised historically range from $500 to $6000. We volunteer for LA area pride festivals and local leather gatherings. We conduct free educational workshops and offer yearly CPR certification (for the appropriate fees).

GOALS AND RESULTS
Accomplishments for Fiscal Year Ending December 31, 2004
Raised and donated $1000 to The One National Gay and Lesbian Archives in Los Angeles
Conducted 6 differently themed workshops and discussion groups on topics of interest to leather-community submissives
Raised and donated various funds totalling over $2000 to several other charities including PAWS LA and the Jeffrey Goodman Special Care Clinic.
Objectives for Fiscal Year Beginning January 1, 2005
Continue to support our local community through fundraising efforts
Increase non-member attendance at our workshops thorough more agressive advertising and publicity.
Improve our yearly gathering of leather community members from other cities to enhance networking and communication.

3:49 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Current mood: relaxed
Category: Life

This is an article to put forth to A/anyone in the community, not just Novice, Single, Heterosexual, "Submissive" Woman

S.

p.s. Thank you dark angel for originally posting this.

Ten Tips for the Novice, Single, Heterosexual, "Submissive" Woman (Version 1.0)

by Jay Wiseman,
author of "SM 101: A Realistic Introduction"

Let me guess. You're a woman, you're heterosexual, and you keep having strange, disturbing, recurring, and intense fantasies of a powerful, masterful man having his way with you.

Perhaps he tears off your clothes and takes you. Perhaps he throws you over his knee and gives you a long, hard spanking. Perhaps he ties you naked and spread-eagled to a bed and proceeds to alternately tease and torture you for hours. Perhaps he locks his collar around your neck and orders you to kneel at his feet -- and you do, both fearing and loving every second of it.

Have these fantasies become so intense and recurring that they make up almost every sexual fantasy you have? Have they become the centerpiece of your thinking when you masturbate? Have you looked through personal ads searching for the ones from men that mention bondage, spanking and related practices, longing but not daring to answer them? Have you thought of asking a man to help you explore your fantasies?

Do you worry that if you mention these desires to a man that you might end up being beaten or even raped? Do you wonder how on Earth you are ever going to reconcile your deeply submissive desires with your distinctly feminine beliefs? Do you have the increasingly strong feeling that if you don't act upon these feelings soon then you will go insane with frustration?

If many of these thoughts and feelings seem familiar, then it's likely that you have an erotically submissive side and that you're either ready or nearly ready to explore this aspect of yourself. If this is the case then, as the saying goes, I've got some good news, I've got some bad news, and I've got some advice.

Before I go further, please let me introduce myself. My name is Jay Wiseman. I'm a heterosexual, Caucasian male, born in 1949, who currently (1998) lives in San Francisco and is in a stable, long-term relationship with a wonderful woman named Janet. I have been exploring the practices associated with erotic domination and submission since 1971, am primarily -- but not exclusively -- dominant in my own desires, and since 1975 have been a member of what is often called the Bay Area SM Community.

During that time, I have probably attended over 1,000 SM-related lectures, demonstrations, discussion groups, parties and related events. I have also given many presentations at SM groups, both locally and across the country -- ranging from Boston to New York to Seattle to Los Angeles.

For more than twenty years, I have advised, taught mentored, trained, and otherwise assisted many novice submissive women, and many other types of people, during their explorations into the realities of what is often called sadomasochism -- SM (or sometimes BDSM) for short. I am perhaps best known in this respect as the author of the book, "SM 101: A Realistic Introduction" published by Greenery Press.

OK. That's enough about me. Now as I was saying about your situation, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news -- and I've got some advice. The following is not intended as a comprehensive guide, but it should help you get off to a good start.

First, the good news: It is quite possible for you to explore your fantasies in a healthy and constructive manner, without in any way diminishing who you are as a human being and without compromising your feminist beliefs in the slightest. It is also quite possible for you to find a man who is a good, decent, highly ethical, and definitely non-abusive person to help you explore this aspect of yourself.

There is even a fairly good possibility that you will end up in an ongoing relationship with such a man, and feel delighted that you did. I know of many submissive women who found their "Master Right."

Now for the bad news: A few seriously "bad apples" lurk in the SM "barrel." There is no approved screening and training program that would-be masters must successfully complete. There are no continuing education or licensing requirements. There is not malpractice insurance. Any idiot can proclaim himself a "master." A jerk in his late forties who tried to tie up a girlfriend once when he was sixteen may claim "I have over thirty years of real-life experience."

Thus, it can be difficult, or even impossible for a novice submissive woman (such as you) to quickly tell the difference between a wonderful prince and a horrid frog.

Therefore, it is also possible for you to encounter a "master" who is unethical, manipulative, exploitative, abusive and utterly horrible person for you to open up to in the way that a submissive can open up to a dominant.

Getting involved with such a man can leave you heavily damaged -- both emotionally and physically. Unfortunately, I also know of some submissive women who got involved with "Master Wrong" or even "Master Nightmare." Most recovered. Some didn't.

Now for the advice: What you will be doing, in a very real sense, is exploring a wilderness. Therefore, it makes a great deal of sense to approach your explorations into SM in much the same way that you would approach your explorations into any other type of wilderness. This wilderness, like all others, contains large amounts of both beauty and danger. Do yourself a favor and never forget those two extremely important facts.

OK, Ms. Explorer, how might you approach that wilderness?

Tip One: Study and otherwise prepare before you approach it.

In one way, you are lucky to approach the SM wilderness at this time, because it has been extensively explored, and many people are willing to share their own findings. While universal agreement does not exist regarding what is and swat is not appropriate SM, in reality there is actually fairly close consensus among most experienced practitioners about most points.

Most explorers have come to highly similar conclusions and recommendations, and many are quite willing to share this information with interested others. In particular, there are several very good books on the subject, a large number of excellent SM educational organizations (most large cities have at least one), and a wealth of quality information on the Internet. You will find references to some of the better resources at the end of this article.

Also, again, as with approaching any other wilderness, it would also be prudent to do a bit of preparing for emergencies before heading out. Many SM people have done things like taken a first aid/CPR class, had an HIV test done, and gotten shots to protect themselves from Hepatitis A and B. Additionally, do you know what a "safeword" is and how a "silent alarm" works? Find out before you play with someone in private.

Tip Two: Get some perspective.

There is no such thing as the National Bureau of Sadomasochistic Standards and Practices that issues rulings about what is and what is not "real" SM. Therefore, people must work out between themselves what does and does not work for them.

One the other hand, there is actually fairly close consensus among experienced practitioners regarding the broad outlines of what is and what is not appropriate. That being the case, it would be smart to seek out a variety of such opinions.

More to the point, it would be very dumb of you to depend upon only one source of information, no matter how "convincing" or "authoritative" that (usually male) source of information tries to appear.

Try to read at least three different books, written by three different authors, on the subject. (Yento's note: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, Jay's Book S/M 101, The Bottoming Book (or the Topping Book if you are so inclined), and Different Loving are four I recommend) Look over a number of different web sites. Attend as many different SM-related presentations, by as many different presenters, as you can.

Tip Three: Time is your best and most important friend.

Rushing into any sort of wilderness is a bad idea. Take your time. Look over the landscape. Talk with the natives. Talk with lots of different natives. Observe their colorful native costumes. (Many of these natives look more scary than they really are. Don't let the sight of those whips and chains frighten you too much.) Venture into their shops and look over the goods for sale. (Don't feel too bad if you can't immediately figure out how some of those goods are used.) In particular, don't get heavily and exclusively involved with any one particular "native" too quickly.

Key Point: The seriously dangerous, abusive, predators usually shun the mainstream SM community because they know they would quickly be discovered and ostracized. Therefore they lurk on the fringes of the community, trying to "pick off" the novice submissive female, whose low level of knowledge and uninformed perspective can make her dangerously vulnerable. By the way, guess what you are?

Tip Four: You may get more attention than you can easily handle.

You are a female who is entering a territory in which it is common for there to be more men than women and many of these men are looking for a woman to do SM with. (In common SM parlance, to do SM with someone is to "play" with them. This is not meant in any sort of diminishing or trivializing way, but rather in a manner similar to how one might "play" tennis or bridge with a partner.)

Anyway, there tends to be more men than women in the "relatively heterosexual" sections of the SM community (there are men-only and women-only sections as well) and many of these men are looking for women to be either occasional or ongoing "play" partners. (A fair number of women and couples are looking for female play partners too.)

Therefore, you may get scores of polite offers -- and unfortunately, a few not-so-polite offers -- for coffee dates or other get-togethers. There is nothing necessarily bad or wrong with such offers but, again, go slowly and don't get heavily involved with any one particular man (or woman, or couple) too quickly. In particular, be relatively slow about giving out personal information about yourself to others such as your telephone number, where you work, your email address and so forth.

Given that the competition for new females can occasionally be intense (by the way, don't let me scare you too much on this point), keep in mind that the person who shows the most aggressiveness in meeting you may not be the best person for you to become involved with. Indeed, and sadly, the converse is often more likely to be true. The nicer guys often hold back out of courtesy and respect while the creeps thrust themselves into your face.

Keep your options open. Try to meet and have conversations with many different men. It is important that you not allow any one particular man (or woman, or couple) to monopolize your time and attention. Remember that the slightly more reserved people are often the better people to become involved with.

(By the way, once you've gotten some knowledge and personal perspective, meeting prospective partners via personal ads can be useful, as there will be no direct competition when you talk on the phone or meet at a public restaurant.)

Also, the more "known" a man is, the safer he is likely to be. As a rule, a man who has been known in his local SM community for over a year is probably relatively safe (although exceptions exist). A lesser known man is more questionable. Again, take your time.

Another Key Point: You are under absolutely no obligation to act in a submissive manner towards a man until after the two of you have negotiated that -- and done so as equals. If some jerk tries to insist that you call him "Sir" or "Master" or tries to give you orders, or touches you in an overly familiar way, or says that you're not being properly submissive to him, your "creep alarm" should start ringing loudly -- and you should head elsewhere, fast. (Yento's choice of bold face)

By the way, a friend of mine who is a very experienced submissive woman has come to believe that there is a strong inverse relationship between how good a dominant is and how quickly he brings up the subject of fellatio.

On the other hand, a low-key, friendly courteous approach by a dominant is a very positive sign. Good quality dominants tend to take a measured, attentive, respectful approach.

Tip Five: Take "elite" (and other claims with a large grain of salt.

Some men, in an attempt to impress you, may claim to be members of an "elite" private SM organization that only admits the "select few" -- and you, tasty little morsel that you are, just happen to qualify. Well, the truth is that there are man relatively private SM clubs, but almost all are small, local groups, and most don't make any special claims of being "elite" or "true" SM organizations. In particular, I would urge you to be extremely skeptical of anyone claiming to be a "true master" or to practice the "one true form" of SM.

Remember that a bit of bragging on a man's part is often a normal part of dating behavior, so let him talk -- and listen carefully to both what he says and how he says it. How long has he been in the community? How many meetings, parties, and other events has he attended? What relevant books has he read? Has he ever given a presentation at an SM club? If so, did he get invited back? Has he ever served a term as an officer in an SM club? If so, how did most of the club members feel about him by the time his term was over?

What are his opinions about others in the community, and his view of their opinions towards him? Dominant men often have strong personalities and strong opinions, and thus often evoke strong reactions. Therefore, it would be relatively normal if he had a bad view of a few people in the community, but does he have a bad view of virtually everybody? (By the way, notice how quickly, frequently and intensely he voices negative opinions about others. That by itself can be insightful.)

It would also be relatively normal if he (correctly) believed that he had a few enemies in the community, but does he believe he is being widely shunned, or even conspired against?

How many friends does he have? Does he at least get along with most other dominant men? How do the dominant women in the club feel about him? Does he get along with most submissive men? In particular, does he have any close, deep, ongoing friendships?

When out on a date with such a man, notice how he treats the people in service jobs. Remember what's sometimes called the waitress test: Notice how your date treats the waitress -- because that's how he's going to be treating you in six months. As one submissive woman remarked about how her (now ex) "Master" treated such people, "I figured it out. He's not dominant. He's a rude asshole."

How does he now feel about the women he used to be involved with? If he has a low opinion of one or two of them, that's relatively normal, but if he claims that all of them were lying, unstable bitches, it's time to get worried.

Check out his sense of humor, as this is often deeply reflective of the person. Be wary of the dominant who cannot laugh at himself.

(By the way, another submissive woman of long and somewhat world-weary experience has concluded that there is also a strong inverse relationship between how many titles a man warrants himself and how good a dominant he is. Remember that fact when you meet someone who wants you to address him as Master Top Daddy Lord Sir.)

Tip Six: Know that "malicious warnings" occur.

The SM community is made up of human beings, and human beings can be both ethical and unethical. While most people in the SM community are pretty ethical most of the time, there are lapses. This community, unfortunately but predictably, has its full human share of personality conflicts, political feuds, bitter feelings following failed relationships and so forth.

While the community does try to warn newcomers about genuinely dangerous people, understand that this warning process is usually not well organized, usually lacking in "due process," and often not very objective in how such warnings are made. It is therefore, unfortunately, subject to abuse by unethical people. (Remember that there are two sides to a story, and the guy may not even know an unflattering "story" is being told about.) Therefore, I advise you to take an unsolicited warning with a grain of salt.

Issues Which Come Up:

Let's say that you are at a club meeting and have a conversation with a dominant man who seem decent enough. But after your conversation with him someone else, whom you barely know, warns you that the man you were talking to is an evil, unstable, battering, substance abuser who kicks his dog and votes Republican. What should you do?

First, discreetly ask around (or simply listen as people talk). How many other people agree with your self-appointed "helpful friends" assessment? Is there any history of a personality conflict, and/or of a political feud, and/or a failed relationship between the two of them? Do the members of one particular clique seem to think that the guy in question is a creep but the rest of the club members feel OK about him?

Second, try this test: Ask several women who seem fairly stable and objective to name some men that might be good for you to play with, and see who does and does not make their lists. How do those lists compare? What reasons are given for the selections and exclusions?

Third, again, give it time. Personality always emerges over time. Give him enough time, and sooner or later -- and it's usually sooner rather than later -- you'll be able to judge quite clearly for yourself whether the guy is a prince or a frog. (You'll know something important about that helpful friend, too.)

Tip Seven: Beware, especially, of the person who tries to isolate you.

Perhaps the single biggest "red flag" that a prospective male partner might be abusive or otherwise toxic is an attempt by him to limit your access to information and discussion about what are and what are not considered appropriate SM practices, ethics and relationships.

This can sometimes be a bit difficult to determine. Because as I mentioned, the competition for new females can sometimes be intense; therefore it's understandable that a man might want to arrange for you to spend a significant amount of time just with him to see if he can form a relationship with you. (And let us remember there is a decent chance that such a relationship might very well be a wonderful thing for both of you.)

Try this test: Dating realities being what they are, it's understandable that a guy might not want you to spend much time with other guys (indeed, it's a harsh fact, but many men won't bring a woman to an SM club meeting until their own relationship with her is firmly established.)*, but how does he feel about your spending time with other sources of information?

*(Yento's note: I will bring a newbie to a play party as I feel pretty secure in myself. It is also a great way for you to meet other women to exchange information with as well as watch some scenes to determine what might appeal to you. I enjoy being an escort as some friends can tesify.)

If he strongly opposes your discussing or learning about SM from a source other than him, beware! If he doesn't want you reading fiction or non-fiction books about SM, looking over web sites about SM, attending presentations given by SM clubs, hanging out with other submissive women, or in any other way "corrupting" yourself with such ideas of "false SM" when he is willing to bestow upon you the honor and privilege of learning "true SM" (from him), get out of there!

On the other hand, if he gives you books to read, points out Web sites and other Internet resources, takes you to various SM-related presentations, and -- in particular -- puts you in contact with other submissive women, stick around for a while.

Tip Eight: Seek, especially, the advice and companionship of other submissive women.

I increasingly believe that the first resource a novice submissive women should be referred to when she comes into the SM community is a support group for submissive women -- preferable a group whose members meet face-to-face at least once a month. Several SM clubs have such a group, and more are starting them.

There is usually a tremendous amount of collective wisdom and perspective in such a group, and a novice submissive can learn a great deal very quickly. Probably the only big limit would be a "no setting up play dates" rule at the meetings. If a woman makes an offer to you, during such a group meeting, such as, "you know, a few play dates with my wonderful Master) and maybe me as well) would teach you ever so much" I suggest that you quietly decline. On the other hand, as you meet many other submissive (or switchable) women, you may find that you have a particular close rapport with some of them, and these women can become some of your best friends.

Hopefully there will be many such women in the group, and they will come from a variety of backgrounds, and not all will be members of the same group, clique, or club (other than that one). Among other things, this is a great place to check out a dominant's reputation.

If most of the women in the group think he's a good guy, that's one sign. If most of them think he's a jerk, that's another sign. (In both cases, try to get specifics as to why they feel that way. What, exactly, are the things he did or didn't do that were so wonderful or terrible? Opinions unaccompanied by facts aren't worth much.)

Tip Nine: Explore

Your first year of involvement in the SM world is often a time of tremendous personal growth and change. You will likely have many new experiences, meet many new people, and see many new sights. (Being into SM allows you opportunities to wear some truly wonderful outfits, too.) In addition to exploring your submissive aspects, you might also find that you have some dominant aspects to yourself.

(Many "submissive" women are not exclusively submissive. Many are more correctly called "switches," and they at least occasionally enjoy taking the opposite role. This is also true of many dominant men.)

Also, you will probably have a chance to take a closer look at issues such as bisexuality and non-monogamy. I've found that at least half the women in the "relatively heterosexual" section of the SM community are at least somewhat bisexual, and a large percentage of the couples are other than entirely monogamous.

You will also likely have a chance to explore many different SM-related practices. For example, you may have had fantasies of being tied up, and you'll likely get a chance to explore that. You may also get opportunities to explore activities such as spanking, whipping, using clamps, dripping hot wax, and so forth.

One bit of advice: It's common to find that you will come to enjoy a broader range of activities over time, and that some (but not all) of the activities which at first held little interest for you, or perhaps even turned you off will become enjoyable. There's a saying: "Never say never."

On the other hand, there is a proper time and place to explore. Trust your intuition. If doing something feels really right, then doing it probably is right. On the other hand, if doing something distinctly feels wrong, then doing to probably is wrong. In particular, don't rush into anything blindly. Never let some "expert" talk you into doing something if doing it doesn't feel right. There is no rush about doing any of this. The truth almost always emerges over time, so give yourself that time.

It can be insightful to play with several different partners as you explore SM, but you have to go about it carefully. This is true even if your ultimate goal is to find, and be monogamous with, "Master Right."

As always, take your time, get to know the other person fairly well, and negotiate carefully before you play. If can be useful to keep the "NTA test" in mind: How do you feel about idea of being "naked, tied up and alone" with this person? By the way, one great feature of play parties is that they allow you the chance to play with a new partner in relative safety.

Notice how things are developing over time in any relationship you may establish with a dominant man. While every relationship has it's ups and downs, its successes and failures, and it's rough spots and smooth spots the overall trend should be a good one. If you basically feel happy and, over time, generally feel happier with your partner and your relationship, that's a good sign.

On the other hand, if you basically feel unhappy and over time, generally feel unhappy about your partner and your relationship, that's a bad sign -- a very bad sign. If you're unhappy and getting unhappier, get some help or get out. (One novice submissive woman who was miserable in her relationship, asked me "every time he learns that I like something, he takes it away from me -- even the pleasure of my giving him an orgasm. Is it supposed to be like that? I didn't know I knew so many different ways of saying "no." She didn't stay in that relationship much longer.)

Tip Ten: When the proper time comes, help educate and orient new submissive women, and others.

Interest in SM is growing rapidly, and the demand for realistic information is growing accordingly. Don't be too surprised if other people, when they learn of you interest, start asking you for information and advice. This may start happening long before you feel ready to start giving in. Don't worry too much. The generally agreed upon principles are fairly well known, and it's not difficult to refer people to good sources of information. (You may quickly become a pretty good source of information yourself.)

Remember that in a very real sense, there is a fierce competition, almost a war, going on between the "good guy" educators and the "bad guy" predators for the "hearts and minds" of the novices -- particularly the novice submissive women, and that the stakes are very high -- sometimes as high as life or death.

The "good guys" always need more team members. Please join when you are ready.

Resources:

Many excellent resources exist and I can't possibly include them all. I'm going to deal with this problem by listing a few that are sometimes called "gateway resources" because they are resources that lead to many other resources. I recommend you look over as many of them as possible, and see which ones feel like a good match specifically for you.

1. "SM 101: A Realistic Introduction" by Jay Wiseman (me) published by Greenery Press. I wrote this book with the specific intention of it's being the first book that a novice might read. It is a fairly comprehensive introduction to SM, and includes an extensive resource listing of other recommended books, clubs, and additional resources.

2. Greenery Press. Greenery Press publishes "SM 101" and more than a dozen other books dealing with relationships and sexuality matters -- especially as they pertain to SM. In particular, after you've thoroughly read over "SM 101, " I recommend you carefully study "The Bottoming Book." For more information, including many useful articles and links to other resources, check out www.bigrock.com/~greenery on the web.

To get a catalog, send a legal sized, self-addressed, stamped envelope to Greenery Press, 3739 Balboa #195, San Francisco, CA 94121.

3. The Society of Janus. Located in San Franciso, this is one of the oldest SM education and support groups. Their activities include educational programs, discussion groups, and parties. They can be reached at www.soj.org (another Web site with many excellent articles and links) or by calling 415-985-7117.

4. San Francisco Sex Information. These people offer an excellent telephone information, advice and referral service (but not phone sex). They can be reached at www.sfsi.org or at 415-989-7374.

5. The Internet newsgroup: news:soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm. This is a lively ongoing forum for the discussion of many different aspects of SM (or BDSM, as it's more frequently called there). It also contains announcements of many national and local events.

6. Your local stores. Your local erotic boutique or leather store can be a first rate source of information and support. There are often books and items of equipment for sale there, and sometimes there are "in-store" presentations as well. There is often a bulletin board that lists upcoming local events.

7. Your local SM club. (Yento's note: in Seattle, this would be the www.wetspot.org Wet Spot.)This is a prime resource. There is not substitute for getting first-hand, face-to-face information and advice, and some clubs have absolutely world-class experts among their numbers. By the way, some areas also have more commercial enterprises that put on SM-related classes. Your local group will know which such enterprises are good ones. They can also steer you to informal discussion groups that meet occasionally in local restaurants; these are often called "munches."

8. Your local submissive women's support group. Such a group may exist either formally or informally. (One of my goals in writing this is to urge the formation of more such groups.)) There is probably no safer, more useful, source of information, perspective, and support than the counsel of your "sisters" as you explore this wilderness.

My best wishes to you in your explorations.

1:24 PM - 12 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

 
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

 When the spiritual teacher and his disciples began their evening meditation, the cat who lived in the monastery made such noise that it distracted them.

So the teacher ordered that the cat be tied up during the evening practice. Years later, when the teacher died, the cat continued to be tied up during the meditation session.

And when the cat eventually died, another cat was brought to the monastery and tied up.

Centuries later, learned descendants of the spiritual teacher wrote scholarly treatises about the religious significance of tying up a cat for meditation practice.

11:45 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment