i REALLY REALLY like this blog....thank You Sire for yet another enlightening moment......You are truly amazing.....*kiss* Hope your Memorial Day weekend was wonderful and i hope moonlight had a blast also! Miss Y/you B/both and hope to see Y/you soon.

Posted by Mother Tink on May 29, 2007 - Tuesday at 2:10 PM
[Reply to this]

I found this one fascinating because I'm currently going through a situation that is so similar. My Sheena and I were in a vanilla relationship for three and a half years before breaking up. While there were certainly good times to be had during the relationship, something was always lacking, it always seemed to me like I may have been holding her at arm's length.

The concept of ascension seems particularly appropos in this case. My entry into this lifestyle and community was about a year after she and I broke up, and during My brief time in it, I feel as though I've come to a point where I'm finally comfortable with Myself as a Dom, but, more importantly, I'm comfortable with the concept that there are others who may wish to surrender themselves to someone else's will. That was what I referred to when discussing holding her at arm's length. As someone who naturally seeks mastery of His environment, I've at times fallen (and still do sometimes) into the trap of believing everyone else feels the exact same way, and not understanding that some individuals feel the exact opposite. So, in our previous relationship, when Sheena tried to serve Me, as is her nature, My first response would be to reject it, to do things for Myself that she enjoyed doing for Me. There were other factors as well, namely that after I graduated high school, I was in a state of arrested development for five years, and the thought of imposing direction on someone else's life when I couldn't impose it upon My own would have been incomprehensible. But, the primary source of strife was always the fact that she desires to serve, and I had a deep seated belief that everyone was like Me personality-wise.

Flash-forward a year, and here we are now. The neuroses of our previous relationship still rear their heads, but we have come to a place where I no longer feel uncomfortable with her desire to serve, and no longer feel any need to deny My own desire to impose My will upon her and mold her into what I want her to be. We accept what we are, and always were.

The point of all this is that without My education (superficial as it's been so far, but I'm preparing to move Myself deeper) in this lifestyle, I would not have been able to do this. I ascended, and I'm now bringing her with Me.

Posted by Strider on May 29, 2007 - Tuesday at 5:50 PM
[Reply to this]

Why I was reading blogs (I am reading all my top friend’s blogs) instead of writing articles that are due by the end of the month, I cannot fathom. It just dooms me to staying up all night, as missing a deadline is not an alternative. That said, next to watching sports and debating politics, the most notable human obsession is trying to codify human relationships. From the "how to pick up girls" guide to deeper tomes about D/s relationships, many have tried; most have failed. (Except Dr. Phil, who knows nothing and makes millions.) I have tried -- even written about it -- and also failed.

There is always an exception to any rule you can come up with. Rules work and then they don't. There are slimbag scalawags who repay you on time and honest Church going people who go to great lengths to swindle you out of a hundred bucks. There are "rules" -- one notable rule for dating comes from a (semi-vanilla) book I co-authored -- "if you are in the friend zone, you won't get in the end zone." I would bet there are a million bona-fide exceptions to that "rule."

I have only come to one conclusion -- if I find myself elevated in the presence of another, learn something about them and myself and find the time to be well spent -- then I am down for hanging with them. I cannot spend time evaluating who is on the higher rung of "development" as your blog posits.

Right now, I am getting a rush dialoguing with myself, thinking out loud. A selfish pursuit, to be sure; by definition a solitary one. I do not wonder whether I will help the reader "ascend." It is this or the Daily Show, which is past its prime.

The only thing I know for sure is both Godfather 3 and Spiderman 3 suck. And I might not even be correct in this conclusion.

Posted by BaadMaster on May 31, 2007 - Thursday at 12:40 AM
[Reply to this]

Simon,
A fascinating blog topic, but i'd like to dig deeper to see how You'd apply this to a D/s relationship. i think it's probably fairly clear how it would work if the Dominant was the ascending party, however i'm interested in Your insight as to what might happen if the slave/submissive was the one in ascension.

Posted by Wolf on May 31, 2007 - Thursday at 12:58 AM
[Reply to this]

POP QUOTES RELEVANT TO THE TOPIC AT HAND…

“I know too much to argue or to judge” – Bob Dylan

“We want prenup!” – Kanye West

“Imagine no possessions” – John Lennon

“Come give me a hug” – 50 Cents

“It’s only just a crush, it will go away” – She Wants Revenge

“Someone will hear your prayers, someone cares” – Marilyn Manson

“I’m getting older, I need something to rely on” – Keane

“To live and die in L.A is the place to be.” – 2 PAC

“Nothing’s gonna change my world” – John Lennon

“She’s looking at you…I don’t think so...she’s looking at me” – Counting Crows

“Castles made of sand fall into the sea, eventually” – Jimi Hendrix

“Comon comon comon common touch me babe…can’t you see that I am not afraid” – Jim Morrison

“I got the magic stick” – Lil’ Kim

“Let me buy u a drank” – T-Pain

“You’re written in her book, you’re number 87 have a look” – Velvet Underground

Posted by BaadMaster on May 31, 2007 - Thursday at 8:39 AM
[Reply to this]

I always wondered why BDSM relationships, with their intense play and refined protocols, do not last any longer than their vanilla counterparts. On the contrary, I have noticed that D/s unions appear to be shorter lived than vanilla. This puzzled me; it seemed counter-intuitive.

Then, this blog trail talking about friend-based relationships. And BOOM!!! A light went off in my head. THAT’S IT!!! EUREKA!!!

Without romantic love, and its unique intrusions into each partner’s psyche, a Master/slave relationship is closer to the “friends with benefits” model than the “romance” model. And we all know the “friends with benefits” type of relationship is usually a temporary and unstable arrangement.

Who knows? This seems as plausible an explanation as any. It’s at least as good as the oft-debated “Spinach Theory.”

Posted by BaadMaster on June 1, 2007 - Friday at 12:14 PM
[Reply to this]

You state, “I believe romantic love for a slave erodes the M/s dynamic when the Master acts upon such feelings [most of the time without the Master's knowledge of what he is inflicted with] and thereby dooms the dynamic to an "in love" relationship that will have all the attributes of most Vanilla households since most Women are very smart, highly intuitive and think about five steps ahead of even the most skilled of Masters thanks to Pride.”

I had written an article that states, “once a Master falls in love with his slave, he often loses his one true weapon – the ability to leave.” The female slave will know this and make stepwise incursions to test his Dominance. This is true for most M/s relationships where love rears its (ugly? beautiful? confusing?) head. But that just argues that most M/s relationships work best when they are a sub-variant of “friends with benefits,” as I stated before.

I guess to get both love and M/s in one place (something I personally would aspire to; that is just me), the Master must be able to be able to “fall in love” with his slave and still be as “distantly close” as he was when she first served him. He must not let “being in love” taint his actions. Easier said than done. The only model I can think of is the Sting quote, “If you love someone, set them free.”

If a Master can both fall in love with his slave, yet maintain steel in his soul and retain the ability to release her for a releasable offence, then he can have the best of all possible worlds. Fir me, that would be ideal. It is also rare. To rise to that level…many have tried, many have failed.

i guess i am in that 1/10th category...... I too have found that in my vanilla relationships, my mind ends up being too convoluted with emotions and grey areas. Unlike M/my relationships with Masters and/or slaves/pets. i am completely a devoted pet and am proud to serve at a level most Dommes would turn Their noses up at, but at the same time expect the world of My slaves/pets. I/i have a love for both spectrums that is also based on O/our interations with eachother. Trust is of utmost concern. Honesty isn't even questioned...... Unlike most vanilla relationships where there is always some type of secrets hidden somewhere.....

i love your blogs Sire and enjoy learning with every word.

Posted by Mother Tink on May 31, 2007 - Thursday at 1:01 AM
[Reply to this]

first, i must say, that all of Your blogs are very interesting and educational. i especially loved all the zen stories but i went back through the past two entries closely as Strider showed particular interest.

i hate to say i agree with some of what You say. unconditional love is a beautiful thing but i don't believe it has a place in a M/s realtionship. what this means for my own personal situation, only time will tell what limits Strider and myself have put on O/ourselves and what limits W/we can surpass, for without love, W/we wouldn't have the level of trust we do, but He must work harder to maintain that "fear" and need for security and obedience. these two posts have sparked quite a bit of conversation between U/us. i don't know whether W/we can ever truly reach M/s or if that's even what W/we both want, but i do know the idea of it has influenced O/our relationship beyond O/our expectations and created an honesty of intent that is very surprising.

and You are correct that to love is to serve, as i have heard so many people i respect talk about how the Master serves the slave, but of course, the Master does this by providing boundaries, structure, and unflinching judgement. a slave loves her Master, but it is still conditional based on the fact that it does remain "pure". a wayward Master leaves the same problem of being unfulfilled and would most likely lead to the only correction a slave can make.

Posted by sheena on May 31, 2007 - Thursday at 8:39 AM
[Reply to this]

thank you so much for responding to my comment. you definitely have given me a lot to think about, when i haven't stopped thinking about the original entry to begin with : )

first, just the clarification: i mean "pure" in reference to your Master saying ""Master's love" burns clean and keeps things healthy for both the Master and slave." To quote Him again to explain "romantic love for a slave erodes the M/s dynamic when the Master acts upon such feelings," so i do believe that if a Master lets those feelings rise up and inevitably is swayed by them, it will hurt the slave and the relationship. and the only correction a slave can make is to leave.

now on to love and trust. i love Strider unconditionally (and it definitely was tested during the most difficult times in O/our vanilla relationship) but this is obviously very different than your personal situation because of the vanilla background (and as Simon mentions all the strife of vanilla relationships, it has been far from blissful at times.) in my mind, i trust Strider to take me where He wishes me to go, but that He also does not wish to harm me and will be there for me afterwards. i know at my point in the journey, i still hold to too much of myself, but i hope i do develop that courage to truly let go someday.

i am beginning to rethink the idea of a slave's love being conditional, because if we are to use love and serve synonymously, her service is conditional in the beginning and even if it is conditional, it is still absolute. it is her choice whether or not to enter into service and whether or not to stay in service, but once committed, she must be wholly so.

in reference to whether or not a Master ever performs a service for his slave, i would be curious as to your opinion, or the opinions of the others reading this, especially the Doms and Masters of both domination and service arenas, as to why the Master chooses to take a slave. one could not say it is without work, even if the slave is already trained, and enjoyment does not cancel out service, as you clearly love serving your wonderful Master. the same with structure, which i personally would expect outside of training, although it would be the preference of the Master how strict it was, the simple nature of creating protocol is a service to the slave's success.

the one part of your comment i completely agree with though, is that in the end, even if love is to mean the same as serve, serve is much more appropriate and fulfilling in an M/s situation. the bliss both parties recieve is from the service, not an enjoyment of each other's company and respect for each other's talents and the other logical and illogical reasons love is based on.

from an outsider's perspective, your Master and yourself share an amazing dynamic that is a testament to a happy and healthy strict M/s relationships. i would love to continue talking with you in messages if that is okay with your Master.

Posted by sheena on June 2, 2007 - Saturday at 5:37 PM
[Reply to this]

Simon,

Well you specifically mentioned that you encouraged all comments, even if they disagreed, so I’m afraid I will have to politely disagree with some of your points. Of course this is just my personal opinion and I do not claim to have any more insight or knowledge regarding D/s than anyone else. This is going to be a long post, I apologize in advance.

That being said…

One statement you made which I agree with is that “love”, in the context of a M/s relationship, is synonymous with “serve”. However I disagree with your interpretation when you say that while a slave needs to serve, a Master needs to BE served. In my opinion, a Master needs to serve just as much as his slave, albeit in a much different sense.

Allow me to explain.

In my opinion, a Master/slave relationship is just one kind of committed relationship that two people can have. I do not consider it any more “advanced” or “deep” than a vanilla romantic relationship (though of course it can be). It is simply a form of relationship that works much better for some people. For other people, it does not work at all (and we’ve all seen the results of that, unfortunately). Given that this is simply the form of relationship that feels most natural and works best for us, the question becomes what’s the point? Why have a Master/slave relationship at all? One obvious answer is love. Because you love someone and M/s happens to be the form which fits best for the two people as a relationship.

If the answer is not because of love, then why? One other possibility is because M/s is the form which allows the slave to serve in the way she and her Master desire. But why does a slave serve at all? Is it because she is biologically, genetically or psychologically predisposed to serve the needs of others? Not at all. In my opinion it is because for the slave, like you said, to love is to serve. Or, perhaps it is better semantically as: to serve is to love. Giving themselves entirely to their Master, submitting their bodies and souls to the fullest extent possible to the will of their Master, is for a slave the highest, deepest and most sincere expression of love and trust that they can give. It is epitome of total power exchange. Again it comes back to love, in some form, as the basis for a M/s relationship.

But what exactly are we talking about regarding love? Does the love have to be of a romantic nature? Obviously not, as that is clearly not the way you feel nor is it how many other M/s couples work. For me however, it definitely is. stephanie and I have a unique situation in that over our almost five year relationship, the first half was completely vanilla, before we discovered BDSM. It did not work as well. Through D/s and our Master/slave relationship we found the roles with which to define ourselves in relation to each other. Only as Master/slave could we find the way to properly honor each other as people and as a relationship. The key is that, for me, I collared my slave not as a way to honor myself (through her devotion to me), but to honor HER. In my opinion, you do not have to romantically love somebody to want to honor them. Often times a person is extraordinary enough to you that the desire to honor them is its own form of love. But how does a Master honor his slave? Should he even?

As we all know, total power exchange is obviously just that, an EXCHANGE. stephanie submits herself to me completely and totally and in exchange I dedicate myself completely to her well being. Because that, to me, is what it means to honor somebody who I love so much and think so highly of as a person. I am her protector, her keeper, her guide, her lover and her Master and as much of an honor as it is for her to kneel at my feet, it is an equal honor for me to stand above her. To me, the honor of owning such a wonderful slave would be wasted if I did not in return honor her by making her well-being my highest priority.

Getting to my actual “point”, this means that just as she has a responsibility to serve my needs, I have a responsibility to serve her needs. It is an exchange. For if a Master ignores the needs of his slave, how is he worthy of the power that being someone’s Master grants him? We have all seen situations where a Master will abuse their power to the detriment of their slave. It is a slippery path that is easy to slide down unless the Master remains constantly cognizant of the slave’s needs. If a Master does not feel that their slave is worthy of being honored such as this, or does not feel that their slave is deserving of their absolute and total commitment to the slave’s well being, why would the Master collar the slave in the first place? What’s the point?

Given that a Master’s purpose is to honor their slave through dedication and cultivation, it seems obvious that a Master should want the slave to thrive not just as a slave, but as a person. I believe that if a slave is unhappy, the Master is to blame either directly or indirectly, because he controls the slave completely either directly or indirectly. I believe that a slave should flourish like a beautiful flower under their Master’s guidance, and both parties should radiate happiness and security because at the end of the day, if being someone’s Master or slave does not make the person truly happy……again, what is the point? It seems like too often people get so caught up in service, punishment and protocol that they forget that BDSM, D/s and M/s are supposed to be JOYOUS and fulfilling for both parties, as I’m sure you agree.

Lastly, before I wrap this novella up, I have one more point I would like to make. It is in regards to disobedience and communication. In my experiences most Masters have strict rules against their slaves speaking out or disagreeing with their Master’s will. I support this and share this belief. However one must not forget that a Master/slave relationship is still, at its core, a long-term committed relationship, regardless of whether it is romantic or not. Therefore it needs the same critical ingredient that any long-term committed relationship needs to survive and thrive: open, two-way communication.

Allow me to provide a personal example: When I collared steph, there were a series of Vows of Enslavement which I had her agree to and commit to memory. The most important of these was that she was to never sacrifice her personal happiness and well-being for anyone or anything, including our relationship. I would rather lose my slave than see her wilt under my hand, as would any Master I’m sure. What this vow means in practicality is that if there is something bothering her, she has a RESPONSIBILITY to bring it to my attention. Of course, always in a way that is respectful and calm. It is then my responsibility to decide whether or how to deal with it. Given the strength of our relationship and how well we know each other, it is very rare that an issue escapes my knowledge until she is forced to raise it herself, but it does provide a necessary pressure valve to ensure that my slave’s needs are being met, at my discretion of course. While my personal example is just that, I believe that any M/s relationship needs some kind of outlet such as this. If for no other reason than to serve as a barrier against the Master inadvertently abusing his power. I feel like sometimes Master/slave couples lose sight of the need for this kind of communication, or believe that there is no way that they can have that kind of communication without violating their roles. Total power exchange and two way communication do not need to be mutually exclusive! Without two-way communication one can still have a Master/slave relationship, but I do not believe one can have a HEALTHY committed relationship. Of course, this is all just my opinion and I’m sure there are examples that would prove me wrong.

It is fascinating how varied the approaches to a M/s relationship can be. stephanie and I started out vanilla, so our M/s relationship incorporates certain lessons we learned as a vanilla couple. Of course our relationship is still Master/slave. It does not stop when we get home from a club, it incorporates just as much protocol, ritual and rules as any M/s relationship, and it completely permeates and alters every aspect of who we are as individuals and as a couple. Yet our relationship is extremely different from many other M/s couples we have met. This diversity is just another reason why I love this lifestyle.

Please do not feel like I am trying to criticize you or your relationship in any way! I have been the victim of attacks claiming that my M/s relationship is not “real” or “correct” and I would never attack someone else in such a way. I fervently believe that as long a D/s relationship is S.S.C. and positively affects both parties involved. there is no “wrong way to do it”. I consider you a friend and mean nothing except to communicate additional ideas and perspectives. I greatly appreciate you providing me with a forum to discuss these kinds of topics so openly and would of course enjoy hearing your thoughts. As always, I look forward to seeing you and yours again soon.

Take Care,
Ryan

Posted by Ryan on June 13, 2007 - Wednesday at 4:19 PM

i think this would be extremely useful for people who play in bars and who tend to "take volunteers" from the audience ... this would assist them in making an informed decision as to whether or not they should play with a person who is too drunk to give CONSENT ...

Posted by Sir SkipDog's slave on August 16, 2007 - Thursday at 4:04 PM
[Reply to this]

i think it would be a wise option to have for any of O/our scene players. Not just the Tops, but the bottoms as well. Yes, you should always be able to trust your Top or Master, but W/we have all seen both sides of the relationship to get out of hand with alcohol, much less whatever else P/players may or may not get involved in.

Posted by Mother Tink on August 16, 2007 - Thursday at 4:21 PM
[Reply to this]

I really think this would be a wonderful idea!!

I think that the community largely knows you as a ssc player and respects you as a Dominant. I don't think that you would have anything to worry about when it comes to people looking down on you, or questioning your choice in partners.

In contrast, I think that this will definitely raise respect for you even higher than it is now. This is not something that many, if any, others can teach - and is certainly needed. Time and time again, I have seen inebriated people scening at clubs. Maybe this will help to stifle such behavior a bit.

Posted by Madam Chastity on August 16, 2007 - Thursday at 4:22 PM
[Reply to this]

I believe sharing information is a positive thing, no matter what it is. This would be a great tool to have for public performers, especially those who do demos and such with volunteers. Having this tool can only help someone, not hurt.

Granted, it may give a false sense of security, but only to idiots who should not be playing anyhow if they would give any such tool or test 100% validity. I give you safewords as an example...to many people put 100% trust in the effectiveness of safewords. Are they a good thing? Sure. Should you trust 100% that they will work? nope. A sub in deep subspace may not even remember what a safeword does, let alone what theirs is.

So your test would be good information to have, but definitely stress that it should not be taken as 100% accurate. I would implore you to each it, and not just once.

Posted by Silventar Photography on August 16, 2007 - Thursday at 4:23 PM
[Reply to this]

I would bet that Thresholds decision to cancel the class was partially due to an essay that Jay Wiseman just released. He said if he were a club or organizations attorney he would find 5 topics extremely difficult to defend in court.

1. Breath play
2. Gun play
3. Self-bondage
4. Chest punching
5. Ball kicking

This class at threshold was supposed to include two of those.

In April of 2007 at the Leather Leadership Conference in Minneapolis Jay presented on the civil liability aspects of both the presenter and the organization that sponsored the presenter regarding teaching "do try this at home" presentations.

He emailed me this essay directly, and didn't want me to post it in it's entirety as of yet. If you want a copy of it send me your direct email as it is in MS word format. He told me that some people in our area have a copy of it, but he didn't want it mass distributed until after the townhall meeting.

Back to your origional idea...I think that education is always good....I personally would like to learn this...my question is how much liability does it open you up to....

sub a takes your class....she uses your theory/practice to determine if Dom B is drunk...for whatever reason she dosen''t apply it correctly and Dom B severly hurts her...are you then not legally responsible? I would worry about giving someone a false sense of security without the full training that you've obviously had.

I posted this on Paindancers blog....My thoughts on alcohol is this. If you want to play you can't drink until after you're done playing. Anyone who wants to play upon entering a club is issued a special bracelet or band. This band signifies someone to be alcohol free. Once you're done with your scene you can take the band off and drink to your hearts content. If you're caught drinking with a band on you are escorted out of the club. If you are playing without a band the same. It's not a perfect system, but I think it will raise the awareness of the importance of not drinking and playing.

Posted by Rope Addict on August 17, 2007 - Friday at 8:55 AM
[Reply to this]

Devil's advocate:

What about the accidents that happen even when alcohol isn't involved or other drugs for that matter.

conversely ... if You think that alcohol is the only thing that impairs judgment You are wrong. How does one ensure that people who aren't drinking aren't on something else

tough call huh?

Posted by Sir SkipDog's slave on August 17, 2007 - Friday at 3:55 PM
[Reply to this]

I feel the issue of drunk Dominants is what should be addressed. And it is in that problem, that everyone needs to come together and step in when someone should not be on stage performing, with their own submissive, or with a volunteer. How is a collared submissive or slave (who'd alcohol intake should be monitored by their Dominant anyway) expected to remove themself from a potentially unsafe situation, when it is their Dom/me who should not be performing, but no one is there to observe or step in.

While I admire your ideas of creating safer play spaces in public, I must note that in many cases, drunk submissives/bottoms/volunteers are not the cause of concern. When I was performing, I had enough sense to smell someones breath or watch them walk (or stumble) around to determine if they had been drinking too much... to a point where I wouldn't feel safe topping them during a performance. Everyone is capable of doing that. I do agree that everyone should be aware of ways to observe the demeanor of someone that should not be on stage because of drinking, but I think that only offering these techniques to inky Swingers, Switches, Tops, Dominants and Masters is irresponsible.

To prevent these kind of situations from happening, everyone, Dominant and submissive needs to be aware of these techniques. At least, that is my opinion.

Posted by Dayna on August 16, 2007 - Thursday at 4:25 PM
[Reply to this]

I don't think it would be irresponsible to teach the class. I think having the knowledge and ability to teach people is a wonderful and important thing. I wouldn't want it to be turned around, "Simon said if they didn't do this they were okay to play with". Something similar to that. There are always exceptions to every rule. There's tons of finger pointing always, you know.

Also, I don't think you need to be in the scene for 20-30 years to be able to call out an Inexperienced, Dare Devil-ish, Egomaniac-ish, Careless or Dangerous Dominant. I knew in less than two. But I've been around almost 5 years, which isn't much, I know. I've seen more people who should never be allowed on a stage again, than people who should. The art of performance BDSM is not lost on me, though. If a class like that were ever to be tough, I think the most adequate person to teach that kind of class is someone with first hand experience. But that's me on my soapbox, and that's for an entirely separate blog

I think it is commendable that you are stepping up and trying to recommend solutions for problems at hand.

Posted by Dayna on August 16, 2007 - Thursday at 5:05 PM
[Reply to this]

I have used a few different field tests on subs, if employed right, the testee never even knows they are being tested.

Simon, I give this idea and tool two highly enthusiastic thumbs up. Every tool a Dom/me can have in their box-o-tricks is one more tool to keep people (subs and themselves) safe. As long as people realize that it is JUST one tool in telling where a person is at mentally it is a powerful one.

Posted by Miss Vonn on August 16, 2007 - Thursday at 5:43 PM
[Reply to this]

*Can You video feed this lecture to Miami?*

This would be SO helpful when Sir and/or i play with a F/friend or new A/acquaintance at a party.
People are so irresponsible and then they wanna come back and come back at someone when what was done was what they asked for. This has never personally happened to me or Sir, but, W/we knnoe people it HAS happened to and it sucks.

Thanks for the post Simon!

xoxo
nevi

Posted by nevi kitty on August 16, 2007 - Thursday at 6:54 PM
[Reply to this]

i think this would be a wonderful class to have. Education is ALWAYS a good thing, regardless of the implications of the topic. You should definitely teach it and You could also videotape it to post online for P/people who cannot attend the classes.

Posted by Pyro's puppet on August 16, 2007 - Thursday at 7:39 PM
[Reply to this]

My first thought -- why not?
My second thought -- I agree that a drunk Dom / Top is FAR more the issue as they stand to do actual damage on a variety of levels, but what does a sub do to confront this? (Clue: Safeword)
My third thought -- drunkeness for the sub comes down to their ability to accurately judge a sensation and measure whether or not they need to communicate to the Dom.

I would definitely talk about the realities, dangers, and responsibilities of the Top / Dom being intoxicated (in any way, shape or form), and their responsibility for the well-being of the sub including the sub's ability to measure sensation accurately.

For example, if you would allow .079 alcohol in a sub, should the same be "ok" in a Dom?
When is it ok to share a drink or puff a J with your sub prior to playing? How much is reasonable? What kinds of play should be avoided? Or should all play be stone-cold sober?

Personally I have the "one drink" rule -- I don't care what the drink is but any sub that I play with knows that I will not play with them if they have more than one drink. Yes there is a difference between a beer and a Hurricane, but I leave that choice to the sub -- they know that if they get drunk... well, sufffice it to say I don't really like being around drunk people in general, so my sub/s know that their behavior had best follow suit.

No matter how you slice it, with all personal responsibility and sense of judgement not withstanding, KNOWING a "sense of measure" as taught in such a class certainly cannot hurt.

Hope it goes well.

Posted by Hanuman (*Daddy Lion*) on August 16, 2007 - Thursday at 8:22 PM
[Reply to this]

I am very new to the life style, and as a eager youngster I would love to increase the overall safety of the clubs. Any added safety measure will help the clubs to be safer places and look like safer places to outsiders. In the worry of new laws restricting play I think this is a responsible thing to do that may help the community feel more secure in stopping or at least limiting drunk play. "And thats a good thing." -Martha Stewart

Posted by Entrare Innvit Consentire on August 17, 2007 - Friday at 8:55 AM
[Reply to this]

aside from all the wonderful comments; I love seeing how much positivity and growth are coming out of a potentialy crippling situation. yet another example of the quality of character one may find in the "lifestyle!"

Posted by ssspAZZ on August 17, 2007 - Friday at 8:55 AM
[Reply to this]

I think that this class would be a good idea. The information would not only be useful in lifestyle situations but in vanilla situations as well.

I would definitely love for you to hold it.

Posted by Lady Solaris on August 17, 2007 - Friday at 12:44 PM
[Reply to this]

Simon,

As usual, Your motivations as well as your concerns over this are completely valid, well thought out and articulated. History has shown time and time again the double edged nature of information. At what point does any information cease to be productive and become destructive to the individual, family and community (echeloning up and down). When using an appropriate set of algorithms in Our risk assessment or cost benefit analysis on the uses of the valuable information that You are able to provide the community, I continually find Myself reaching the same conclusion; one You stated perfectly, “My counterview to that is that it would be one of many tools a Top could employ before playing with someone…” It is like everything else in Our scene; the use and execution of knowledge will say volumes about Ones soul.

Cali

Posted by cali on August 17, 2007 - Friday at 12:45 PM
[Reply to this]

i think it sounds like a very smart idea for just about anyone going to these public clubs.

Tops, bottoms, or even those observing could benefit from knowing these skills versus just hoping somone slurs if they are intoxicated. Honestly this is the sort of thing you hope club owners and employees know because it really is their decision who plays and how in their establishment, but they can't be everywhere all the time. Combined with other basic safety knowledge for playing in public spaces, it could be a very informative class.

i don't think it would be a concern about "condoning drinking" because it seems in the last blog comments, there was a pretty strong agreement that clubs aren't going to stop serving alcohol and therefore people aren't going to stop drinking it. i've been running around the karaoke circuit long enough to know, bars and clubs don't appreciate people who don't spend money, no matter the type of club. so the real option is to be informed and be safe as possible. Strider and myself are specific in only drinking non-alcoholic beverages before playing, use the alcohol to celebrate after.

and of course, the whole idea that someone wanting to play wouldn't agree to a sobriety test being a reason not to play at all is a pretty good one...

Posted by sheena on August 19, 2007 - Sunday at 7:11 PM
[Reply to this]

Very cool article ... the entire family was mentioned !!! YAY!

thank You, Sir for posting this ...

*sneaks a "view source" ... "select all" ... "copy" ...

hey ... whaddya know? my blog is the same as Yours thank You Sir again (and i mean it *wink*)

Posted by Sir SkipDog's slave on July 26, 2007 - Thursday at 10:28 AM
[Reply to this]

yes! i must admit it was ever so fun to watch...between the crosses...as You played; then to disappear in my own flogs. A pleasure indeed! thank You

Posted by ssspAZZ on July 26, 2007 - Thursday at 11:54 AM
[Reply to this]

Great article, thanks for posting Sire. I can't however get the view source, copy thing to work for me though.......argh

Posted by Mother Tink on August 5, 2007 - Sunday at 9:11 PM
[Reply to this]

"My responsibility to myself, my neighbors, my family and the human family is to try to tell the truth. That ain’t easy. There are so few truth-speaking traditions in this society in which the myth of “Western civilization” has claimed the allegiance of so many. We have rarely been encouraged and equipped to appreciate the fact that the truth works..."

Toni Cade Bambara

Keep speaking the truth and one day he will hear you...

O

Posted by Orpheus on July 16, 2007 - Monday at 10:46 AM
[Reply to this]

<center>What an awesome lesson!
A little bit of understanding and guidence can make a lifelong impression

<3

I don't have just one opinion on the issue of growth, I have a maze of them. I don't think I've ever vilified anyone, but for much of the past year, I just sort of floated around on the periphery of the lifestyle with the few people I knew, being too much of a chickenshit to bust outside that small group and go up to others more experienced than I to see what I could learn from them. Fortunately, I got over that, and there've been a few F/folks who have invested quite a bit of time in educating me (Y/you know who you are, and I give all of Y/you massive thanks for that). An individual at DomCon referred to coming into something thinking you know everything, then realizing you know nothing, and then actually starting to learn; that's where I'm at right now. In fact, I look back at lifestyle-related things I wrote as recently as a couple of months ago, and I cringe at how over the top my writing style was; apparently I was under the impression that to impress upon people the idea that I was serious about this lifestyle, I only had to write with such a self-serious tone that it sounded like an Anne Rice novel. I think I actually understand now what You mean about the Man taking the helm and killing the boy (You actually told me more or less the same thing in conversation a month or so ago, and I didn't really get it then). Probably the most difficult realization I had in recent months, was that in this stage of my journey, I need to trek solo, and not use somebody as a crutch that keeps me from growing. I don't mind admitting that I still have trouble with that realization and beat myself up over it from time to time (the bouts of flagellation have gotten much less frequent, I'm happy to say), but the point is that I had it in the first place.

Posted by Strider on July 17, 2007 - Tuesday at 1:08 PM
[Reply to this]

You blog about “vilification” brings up a question that is not only bigger than BDSM and our community, but one that also strikes at the core of our newly borne supermedia based society. How does one respond to slander? Previous to the Internet, when innuendo filtered slowly through the lazy strainer of the old school snail media, it was usually best to just ignore any false accusations and let “the truth come out.” The pure Christian doctrine of “turn the other cheek” used to be both morally correct and a good, safe strategy. But now “the truth comes out” at a much slower rate than the “vilification that makes the rounds.”

I offer as proof of the newfound power of deceit the utter devastation of a soldier named John Kerry and the lies hurled at him by the so-called Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. Again, this is not a political analysis; I am only referencing the destruction by rumor of a man’s arguably heroic on-the-battlefield war record. The fact that it ultimately influenced a Presidential election (and the course of a war) is only offered as an example of how powerful innuendo can be.

A strategy of how to respond to lies in our current myspaced-out world would take more than just the few sentences I have left in this response. A book, more than likely. The best I can offer is that we all should be circumspect in what we say about others in our lifestyle. And not accepting as truth any rumor without first investigating its accuracy. Obviously, we can all do the ole “he’s not so good at flogging” critique; much like sports where one can say, “Kobe’s not as good as he used to be” or “A Rod stinks.” It is statements of character and personal issues that we should avoid. These not only hurt, but are also next to impossible to stop in their tracks -- no matter how inaccurate they might be.

Maybe we can’t change our rumor-based world; but we can be protective of those in our community by making sure we are careful with what we say. Words hurt.

Posted by BaadMaster on July 21, 2007 - Saturday at 2:48 PM
[Reply to this]

I really hope Ms Simone reads the comments here, because I have something to say on the subject. Not negatively, of course; just something to say.

<center>NOTE: This is not directed at Simon, but at Ms Simone.</center>


Ms Simone wrote:
I was taught that once the tears fall, the sub needs immediate comfort. The scene doesn't need to completely stop, because then the sub will hold back their emotions in fear of the ending of the scene, but a break needs to happen before play resumes.

Ms Simone also wrote:

I've also been taught that a Master or Mistress who continues to beat someone who has reached that emotional break is abusive/abusing their position as a top, hence my interpretation and description of your scene. That is what I was taught, that is what I've known.


Very responsible, and very commendable. This is what you were taught, and this is what you should practice in your life, and in your house. However, there are many other ways, and no one way is true and correct for everyone.

You mention psychology, which is a great correlation. There are MANY schools of psychology, and not all of them agree on everything. In fact, some have opposing views on certain issues. Does this make one wrong? No, it just makes it different. One school of thought will work remarkably well work one patient, and not for another patient.

Like Simon, I believe that there are different levels of head-space; different levels of release. As Simon said, just because tears flow does not mean that someone is broken; for some they are just in the first stages of ultimate release. However, in the beginning of the relationship I stop at first sign of tears, check in, and then continue when I know everything is alright. I am sure Simon and Moonlight started this way as well.

As the relationship progresses, a deeper understanding of the slave's development and psyche is comprehended by the Master, and the Master can push further past the "crying point" because he knows his slave well enough; he knows her head-space and where she is going, and why, and how fast.

This is another form of edge play; and another method of bring the slave and Master closer, creating tighter, more passionate bonds. No one asks you to practice this, in fact like Simon, I would prefer most don't.

Posted by Silventar Photography on June 25, 2007 - Monday at 10:01 PM
[Reply to this]

WHooohoo how freakin cool is that!!!

Posted by ssspAZZ on July 10, 2007 - Tuesday at 11:12 AM
[Reply to this]

This is going to be my last comment on the subject, because i really have more important things to do than go back and forth with you.

I wrote about your behaviour and you came back with a personal attack. your slavegirl says i need to take personal responsibility. i always take responsibility for my own actions.

you, however, deflect. it is MY fault i was offended by your scene and I must have issues

the people in the audience who were traumatized are not your problem or fault

you mention that i make my living from the fetish world twice.

I don't know what your problem is and I really don't care. YOU need to take responsibility for your actions and the next time someone brings up your behaviour, why don't you stick to the topic at hand.

Posted by Julie Simone on June 24, 2007 - Sunday at 3:25 AM
[Reply to this]

all i can say is...i love abuse! abuse fuckin rules! disclaimer: i enjoy being abused as much as i enjoy abusing others...equal opportunity abuse for all...and then, lets all fuck!

Posted by DungeonCorp on June 23, 2007 - Saturday at 8:41 PM
[Reply to this]

there is a time and a place for everything. that is the issue here, not the acts themselves, but the audience for which they were presented.

Posted by Julie Simone on June 24, 2007 - Sunday at 3:24 AM
[Reply to this]

sometimes it's difficult when people look at something they don't understand.. when they allow themselves to become consumed w/themselves and forget that not everyone processes tings the same.. i know i've done that many times. it is a shame that she suggests that you "tailor" yourself to the vanilla crowd. many times i've been told to "tailor" myself so as to not appear so "black".... it's just another device by which people choose to make stereotypes and find differences vs. similiarities.

it is unfortunate that i was unable to view your scene so as to properly understand where she was even coming from.. other than a place of misguided fear!

all assumptions where made with out ever asking.. only attacking. never did she ask, in which ways did you do your "checking on her" that she may not have picked up on/understood.

excellent responses overall S, as usual : )

Posted by ssspAZZ on June 24, 2007 - Sunday at 3:24 AM
[Reply to this]

All the years in the BDSM Community I have seen many scenes and have seen submissives cry. Knowing Simon like I do, I believe he is a man of honor a strong Dom in this community. No know better then Simon on the limits of the submissive women that he scenes with in the public eye. We are not here to judge others play nor have the ability to really know what goes between two souls in the thing we call play. The porn world is not vanilla on any levels and is a world of its own. When we start to judge others play without knowing everyone involved then what will happen to free will. When I was the expo it was a rich blend of many worlds coming together under on roof and felt that we all have the right to play scene the way we wish. We call this Safe Sane and consensual for a reason and we were not present when these two people talked about how they would play.

When I first got in the scene I was upset about watching needle play and on this road of BDSM my limits and likes have changed. Now I enjoy not watching needle play but doing it to a willing submissive. We are here to judge or police others but we are here to support the idea that we all have different levels of playing. I would say think before any one of use Judge others play. Remember we are not walking in their shoes.

I teach the S/M at the Lair every other sat and I teach to have to an open mind and let others create their BDSM or D/s play the way that any two people wish to play. Life is to short to close one mind and judge.

Walk in peace, love, joy and the light.
Rev Mel

Posted by Melody on June 24, 2007 - Sunday at 4:16 AM
[Reply to this]

As I did not see the “scene,” I obviously cannot comment. I do know that Simon, as he was working with his slave, had everything perfectly under control.

But there is a more important issue here that bears commenting on. It is the difference between a “scene” and a “demo.”

As I see it, a “scene” is play in a lifestyle environment. In these cases, one not need take into account the audience. All that matters is that the dungeon rules are followed. The spectators are there to watch play and are accepting and understanding of what goes on there.

A “demo,” in my opinion, is meant for those not in the lifestyle. And different rules apply.

For example, on my KSEX radio show, I have a primarily vanilla audience. When we have play on the program, it is called a “demo." Last Thursday, Master Dominic did a spanking demo with his slave, Ariel Hope. I assume he does not use a safe word in his personal play with her, but using a safe word was stressed for our audience. It was also stated, ad nausea, that the play was consensual. We asked her if she was OK a dozen times – something that would not be typical in his “scene.” I personally have done nipple piercings on my show. Again, I ask the bottom, “Are you OK?” regularly. In my personal play, a needle scene would have no such breakup in the flow. When Simon was a guest on my show, I interrupted his fire play demo innumerable time to stress safety aspects. At the Lair, I would just shut up and watch!

When you are dealing with the vanilla world, they can easily get the wrong impression. We cannot just encourage them, by “just doing it our way,” to just whack away and mark their wives. One idiot who sets fire to his girlfriend will bring down the wrath of government and I really don’t need that. Besides, I would not want that to ever happen, government or no government.

Often, when I mention I am into BDSM or bondage to vanilla people, I usually get a response like, “So, you beat your wife?” This is the stereotype we are dealing with. I am not one to soft-pedal the harder aspects of our lifestyle to the vanilla world. I do not think we should whore ourselves out. But we can be aware of their perceptions when we do a “demo, ” by keeping in mind how BDSM-illiterate most of them are. Yes, we can shock, but we can also educate.

And “demos” are great for that purpose!

Posted by BaadMaster on June 24, 2007 - Sunday at 12:11 PM
[Reply to this]

Thank you for sharing/ stimulating this discussion. For my part, i would just like to stress that EVERYONE has a right to play however they wish so long as it remains consensual, regardless of whether or not someone thinks it’s the “right” way to play. The scene is already much maligned and misunderstood by many in the vanilla world. Judging each other’s kinks and using words like “abuse” to describe clearly consensual acts only worsens this problem. Vanilla people might look at that and say, “See, see, even the other freaks think it’s wrong.” If we in the lifestyle cannot be accepting of each other, how can we ever expect to gain acceptance from those on the outside?

Posted by Pyro's puppet on June 24, 2007 - Sunday at 11:14 PM
[Reply to this]

What BULLSHIT!
I love the "back-peddling" and how she conveniently speaks for everyone in the scene and crowd. Did some one forget that there is such a thing as "safe words".... and a bruise OMG you mean to tell Me she had a bruise and that some one actually bruised from being spanked... well thats just unheard off...almost physically impossible ..right? (note the sarcasm)
what a gross miss-interpretation of a beautiful dance and surrender...

If she is so worried about how or what everyone thinks then she should have kept her mouth shut and comments to herself... because now she has displayed a total lack of respect, ignorance of true scening, and a most vanilla stereo-typing that should have never come from some one who claims to be into BDSM.
Sorry I am not as formal as You Sir ...but thats how I roll.

Someone needs a GAG!!! and I got plenty!

Posted by Sir SkipDog on June 25, 2007 - Monday at 12:16 PM
[Reply to this]

i have a right to express my opinion about something i was personally involved in. you don't have to agree with me and that's fine. it's amazing how many people think only their opinion matters and anyone who thinks differently should be silenced.

Simon and I obviously come from different schools of thought on BDSM, and where lines should be drawn. That's going to happen. Peope and their horizons do not ever grow without discussion and an exchange of ideas. If you had your way you would shut everyone up and no one would learn anything.

Posted by Julie Simone on June 25, 2007 - Monday at 4:17 PM
[Reply to this]

i have read the exchange and i must say that her comments seem to come from one who is in the sex industry as opposed to the BDSM lifestyle.

Until recently "hardcore" BDSm porn was something that Y/you simply did not see. By hardcore i don't mean fucking i mean ... blood, bruises, heavy humiliation etc ... and one certainly did not see Males beating females. This is where the problem lies.

Turn the scenario around and have a Female Domme beating on a bruised male submissive and this conversation likely would not have even taken place. It is a function of society and the moral belief that hitting a woman is wrong but a woman hitting a man is perfectly acceptable. W/we have the media to thank for this (primarily although there are other factors).

Simon, Sir hits it on the head when He mentions to her that He is sorry that her experiences were uncomfortable at best and abusive at worst.

Further, in this slaves opinion, this particular event caters more to the porn industry then it does the lifestyle/scene/fetish industry (yes W/we are an industry). So when they saw a MAN lay hands (floggers, single tail, paddle) on a woman shock and awe prevailed and i am certain that what most of U/us would consider a "tame" scene was viewed as abuse simply because the release was tears. Mark my words though, had it been the opposite, this blog wouldn't even exist.

Ms. Simone is quick to judge .. likely she would not have been judged as harshly had it been her and the same exact set of circumstances ....

Good thing it wasn't me up there ... begging for harder and purring louder as the first drops of blood begin to bead on my ass and back huh

With Respect
~k

Posted by Sir SkipDog's slave on June 25, 2007 - Monday at 4:17 PM
[Reply to this]

You raise a good point -- no one (myself included) would have batted an eye if it was a female top and a male bottom.

You are, however, incorrect on this note : "He mentions to her that He is sorry that her experiences were uncomfortable at best and abusive at worst."

I have had some amazing experiences as both a top and a bottom, some which led to the almost religious experience/release of tears. I am not against the BDSM scene at all. The harder videos you refer to have been going on for a long time, particularly out of the NY area -- Rick Savage, Dan Hawke, Insex --all of whom I've worked with. They just aren't as easily accessible as the lighter stuff.

Posted by Julie Simone on June 25, 2007 - Monday at 7:20 PM
[Reply to this]

i wanted to also reply directly to this:

Ms. Simone .. i am aware of the "harder" videos that have been out for a number of years. An ex of mine films the harder ones (he tells me i was an inspiration *wink*) ... but don't forget Max Hardcore, Rocco Siffredi or John Thompson in that prestigious list of "harder" video producers.

Up until recently however these films were tame compared to what is coming out of Germany, The Greater Czec Republic and Japan ... In fact some sites like naughtybids.com have made it virtually impossible to get imported porn that depicts "violence" (not even BDSm) and sex. i speak from experience. i am a HUGE fan of John Thompson's porn (German producer and almost impossible to find in the US. The videos i have of His were very hard to get) as well as Rocco Siffredi (although He films for Evil Angel which is located here in the San Fernando Valley, His films are still considered controversial).

i wasn't insinuating that You were "against" the BDSm scene ... however i do think that there was a rush to judgment in this particular case that could have possibly made a mountain out of a mole hill.

Be that as it may, it is definitely a titillating discussion. Thank You.

Posted by Sir SkipDog's slave on June 26, 2007 - Tuesday at 10:41 AM
[Reply to this]

My kudos to you Sir Simon. Even when you are PISSED - you demonstrate an excellent example of self control and address the issue at hand with calm, thoughtful arguments - only slightly giving away your inner most emotions.

To Julie - I'm truly sorry that what you witnessed (from your personal view) was negative within the context it was performed. I will say this on that point - everyone in attendance were not only there voluntarily, but paid a significant sum for the privilege. Also, the convention floor was HUGE - had anyone found Simon's scene to be as distasteful as did you, they could easily have moved on. In addition, EroticaLA is in no way "vanilla". It is a product of a growing but still deviant aspect of our nation's (indeed world) culture. Granted - the sex entertainment industry as a whole is rather "tame" by bdsm standards - but it is nonetheless a deviation.

In other words - if someone there saw Simon's scene - they were (by their very presence) a deviant - just like Simon, just like you, just like me...

The saying, "glass houses" comes to mind here. If any of the "vanillas" in the audience were offended - why were they at an event like EroticaLA in the first place?! Am I to accept the notion that depictions of wanton sexual activity is "ok" - but a sub having an emotional reaction to her Master's actions is not?

I've read all the comments and I recall someone - perhaps Julie? - saying something about keeping things "happy" (maybe it was Simon? whomever). It occurs to me that had moonlight reacted to Simon's ministrations with laughter (as is often the resulting emotional reactions from many bottoms), none of this "controversy" would be uttered.

Another saying comes to mind, "the only bad publicity is no publicity". From that perspective - this "controversy" is a good thing because it stimulates intelligent, thoughtful (and so far respectful) commentary/discussion.

Julie's obvious exaggerations notwithstanding - I feel her comments are well thought out and come from a place of genuine (albeit misguided) concern for all involved/exposed and have enabled us all to engage in some rather enjoyable and stimulating discussion. Thank you Julie.

Posted by Bullwhip57 on June 25, 2007 - Monday at 4:18 PM
[Reply to this]

Up late and ran across this.

Here is one question..

Was anyone forced to witness the scene or did they have the option to walk away?

Those who chose to stay and honestly believed it was abusive... were then accomplices to the crime since they did nothing but watch.

I may not agree with the level of play being described here (being done as a demo). But those who truly believed it was abuse and did nothing.... are worse than the supposed abuser in my book.

Why?

The "abuser" knew he was not abusing anyone.
The "observer" thought it was abuse..felt it was abuse.. and consented to the abuse by their lack of action. They allowed what they THOUGHT to be an abuser to continue. Where is the humanity in that? They were being morbidly entertained by this "abuse".

Before anyone points fingers at the one who knew HIS intent.. overcome the guilt and shame of standing by and continuing to watch it. There must have been some level of enjoyment.. I don’t ever keep looking at something if I don’t enjoy it. Oh the shame of enjoying it.. so damn the person who touched that deep seeded dark desire within them.

There is no shame in it. I wear my Leather Pride flag on my body.. Trust, Honor and Respect inscribed into my skin around it. For those reading along and finding that you feel something stirring within you, know you are not alone. You are not wrong and you can dance in the dark corners of your mind with others who understand you like you never believed possible.

Posted by Wild~n~Wicked~~A Phoenix Rising on June 26, 2007 - Tuesday at 8:25 AM
[Reply to this]

it's not my place to stop a scene between two people, no matter what i think of it. i was there working the booth, i couldn't just walk away. plus, i wasn't going to make a scene at someone else's booth that i was supposed to be supporting out of respect for the organizer/promoter

Posted by Julie Simone on June 26, 2007 - Tuesday at 2:03 PM
[Reply to this]

i can attest to that

in response to Julie; perhaps i was incorrect but it was the PERCEPTION of what was written that i was going off of (much like YOUR perception that the scene between Simon and moonlight was abusive) see how that works? No disrespect intended just making sure everyone can see clearly all angles of this triangle.

Often times what people don't understand frightens them and they end up turning things into something it really isn't. The Witch trials started by persecuting mid wives when their ministrations caused worse illness or death ... it expanded from there creating wide spread fear and the result was many women being killed for nothing more then suspicion ... this *could be* viewed akin to that. It only takes one.

i can certainly respect the shock of seeing a woman being beaten until she cries but often O/our most cathartic moments come from just that type of release. W/we all do *this* for different reasons. Some do it for monetary gain others do it because this is the ONLY PATH that MAKES SENSE and to the outside world sometimes that path isn't pretty, doesn't have the Hollywood spin put on it and is just plain ugly (although i know many a Dom/me who would argue that mascara running down a slaves face in streams is rather sexy). i am still toying with my book idea "Slavery; beyond the Beauty Books" i think it would go over well

to Simon Sir and Julie; thanks to BOTH of You for bringing up this topic of conversation. It shows a distinct line between the erotica, fetish, scene and lifestyle ... it is thin but distinct.

With Respect
~k

Posted by Sir SkipDog's slave on June 26, 2007 - Tuesday at 8:22 AM
[Reply to this]

Whew!!! That's a read and half.

What to say, what to say... i'm conflicted, Y/you see. While my natural reaction would be to leave a prodigious comment and hopefully inspire more poignant interchange among this fine group of P/people, my abilities (which are specifically related at this moment due to time restraints) won't allow for that.

So, i guess i'm left to tend to my own loquacious desires, aren't i?

What i will say is this: It is rare that W/we in this community are given such an opportunity to communicate, bond, and grow in a forum that allows for all opinions, and all voices to be heard, without interruption or interjection. Thank Y/you to A/all who have added to this brilliant bit of correspondence -- what i see before me is art. Pure, unadulterated expression from T/those who breathe with passion for what W/we do and what W/we love.

i humbly encourage E/everyone to take a deep breath, and allow for the feelings of internal gratification to carry Y/you throughout this day. Be proud and grateful (i, however, reccomend a self-effacing version of this pride i speak of...lol) that W/we as a group, as a union, are actually ALLOWED to express O/ourselves (virtually) freely. And that W/we do.

Again, a big THANK YOU to A/all.

Have a beautiful day!!!

Posted by Natalie on June 26, 2007 - Tuesday at 3:01 PM
[Reply to this]

Apparently the hurry i was in motivated some dyslexic behavior on my behalf. Please forgive the error.

Posted by Natalie on June 26, 2007 - Tuesday at 3:39 PM
[Reply to this]

Simon, Julie & everyone that contributed to this blog, thank you for
your perspectives. For a vanilla person/photographer like myself
curious of the BDSM's movements, action & natural reaction, this read has
been very insightful. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions &
below are a few of mine.

I believe both Simon & Julie raised good points. Not knowing Julie, I
question if Julie's points were written in defense of the BDSM scene
from the majority of the non-open-minds from the Vanilla World. To
Simon, I believe it is your choice to display the raw and edited version of BDSM
lifestyle. I appreciate the education as I am slowly learning.

I cannot speak for all 'Vanilla's', but when I see bruises, I usually
think or say, 'What the heck happen?' & I normally relate it to pain
or how I believe the social law has labeled it as abuse or accusation of
harm. Badge(s) of honour is really a new thought for me, and I have
heard of it used in sports. (I sill need to think about this..)

Thanks again for all your perspectives. We shall talk more another time
Edwin

Posted by edwin gomes | 四 會 的 來 原 on July 5, 2007 - Thursday at 9:51 PM
[Reply to this]

Great Blog to be sure. A frustrating debate but one I think needs to be had.

When I first started filming BDSM porn (I am the ex that Sir Skipdog's slave refers to and yes, she was an inspiration for My films) there was a drought of Male Dom/female sub films. What little existed were grainy copies of copies of copies and usually in foreign languages, most Eastern European. The American product, I felt, lacked truth which is what I tried to interject in my films. I wanted to take everything I loved about BDSM and transfer it onto film. No silly plot lines and no fake BDSM. I tried to push every envelope we could while always respecting the model's boundaries and abilities. I am still proud of the results. They laughed, they cried, they came, they were happy, sad, pissed, enlightened and more. Two model who had never done any BDSM work or activities in their personal life are now very active in the lifestyle. One had me preside over her collaring in Las Vegas.

From the public and the adult film industry, I have been envied, reviled, respected and demonized. I have been faced with possible arrest in three cities. I have had every major distributor in fetish porn tell me that my films are too hardcore for them. A proud moment was when Meatholes ended negotiations with me add my material to their site lineup because I was deemed to controversial and hardcore. (If you've never seen Meatholes.com, check them out to see that they are SuperHardCore and have actually tamed it down for the last few years.)
All this background is to make one simple point.

There is a time and a place for everything. But it is always the time and place for Truth. From all accounts, Sir Simon did a true, honest scene. Some observers may have found that disturbing and unwatchable. Maybe it did get 'ugly'. BDSM is often not pretty. It is not always "four Peas, Ice cream and a milk bath in the final reel."

So while I missed the scene, Thank You, Simon for doing something truthful.

The Truth hurts. Our truth just sometimes leaves bruises.

Posted by Micheal on July 6, 2007 - Friday at 7:42 AM
[Reply to this]

Love where Your coming from on this...
Simple matters of common respect. I share the same views about protecting Your property at clubs.
If not "Sir" then how about Pimp Daddy Blaise so long as You are given the respect You deserve Big Dog.

Posted by Sir SkipDog on June 22, 2007 - Friday at 12:22 PM
[Reply to this]

Pimp Daddy does have a nice ring to it... though it might be difficult to not call You Sir, Sir... umm Pimp Daddy, Sir... crap, I am still learning!

Posted by Blue on June 22, 2007 - Friday at 4:41 PM
[Reply to this]

These are pretty much my views as well. Great job on expression, BTW.

Posted by Silventar Photography on June 22, 2007 - Friday at 1:11 PM
[